Nothing to Fear but Fear itself

I am sorry to say but I freak out nearly every year this time of year. I am the worst type of homeschooling mother - a homeschooling mother with a public school mentality. I have tried very hard to overcome it - some years I do okay others I fail miserably. I have spent this week working on Emily's high school transcript. I have long confessed to being a perfectionist overachiever. I have NEVER hit a brick wall quite like this transcript thing. I called a dear friend, begging for help. This friend has three grown, collegially successful children. You see, when she was where I am, I had a 5/6th grader. Transcripts were NO WHERE on my radar. In fact, until Emily reached the 8th grade - my "high school plan" had consisted of praying for the rapture. My friend so sweetly kept reassuring me that I could do this. I have a list of all the courses she has taken, the grade she was given, we have a school name, we have done everything we needed to do, why was this so difficult? It all boils down to this : FEAR. I am afraid. I am afraid that I would have done something (or not done something) that would keep her from x,y,z (we aren't even really sure what that is). I have been rereading Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. It is my fallback study before school starting during my struggle years. (I have read it 3-4 times). I always learn something different - because my situation and my struggles are different. Yesterday, I was on the chapter about guilt (fitting, huh?) This is what she said "If homeschooling is indeed God's will for our lives (Ryan and I firmly believe that for us - it is), then it is good, acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:1-2) Homeschooling should be a blessing to us, not an unbearable burden(or the cause of severe, middle of the night anxiety attacks). If it is such a burden, then perhaps we have required things of ourselves that the Lord never asked us to do. Perhaps the standards we are trying to follow are not God's standards, but man's. Perhaps we are living by formula than by faith." Here is what I know: 1) Our homeschooling was not a mistake - although, I don't feel it is the right choice for everyone - it is the right choice for us - good, bad, and/or ugly 2) Nothing I could do (or not do) could stop the plan GOD has for Emily's life. - I am just not that important. 3) "Success" (and I am VERY guilty of this) is often measured in very worldly terms - especially during the high school years. I would like to say that tonight I will not go to bed with a rice sock over my shoulders and a pounding over my right eye, but that would most likely be a lie. All I know is I can keep reminding myself that God did not create me to be in bondage to fear. We have raised Emily to be an intelligent, God-fearing, light-shining disciple of Christ - no matter where or how she decides to shine it, "we" will be a success.