Against the flow

I think I should have been born a salmon. Truth be told, I have never been a very good "go with the flow" kind of girl. There have been various times in my life when I have tried, tried and tried harder. However, as I have gotten older, I have discovered that questioning things is my natural bent. Last week I had to take Owen to the doctor for a check up. This is the doctor Owen has been seeing for 10 years. When we got there, the lady spoke over me and handed Owen a 5 page form to fill out and said "Only you" fill out this form. Okay, that was a little odd. Then, we get to the doctor's office waiting room and she tells me I can wait in the hall during the appointment. Uh, excuse me? "Well, (she says - placing her hand on my arm)that is how we do it when they turn 12. They may have "private" matters they would like to discuss with "their" doctor that they wouldn't feel comfortable with a parent in the room." Yeah, right. That lady didn't know who she was talking to - my fight or flight response kicked in overtime! Let's just say I am sure I have a really big, really long note in my folder. It was so bad I think we are going to have to change doctors. You know, the crazy thing is, that doctor had the gall to praise my efforts. He went on and on about how flexible, how well spoken, how polite, what healthy habits he had but in the same breath tell me that I needed to "do it like everybody else." On the way home, it hit me like a ton of bricks - you CAN'T have it both ways. As a homeschooler, I realize I am already outside of the "norm". I don't look for ways to not fit in, really I don't. However, sometimes over somethings I just don't. I thought of this verse out of Philippians "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life - in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing." I (We) will never reach that goal of doing everything without complaining or arguing and I (we) will never be blameless and pure or without fault. However, it is my goal to help give my kids the tools they need to shine like stars in the universe as they hold out the word of life; whether I get nasty notes in my folder or not. I do want to be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

Sweet Sixteen

I wonder why it is called "sweet sixteen?" In our case, it is fitting. Our sweet is sixteen. How does it happen? Where does the time go? I remember vividly sitting at our kitchen table in Boone, NC crying my eyeballs out that my mother was going to leave us with the sweet little girl I was certain to ruin. Ryan was 21, it was 11 days before my 21st birthday. We had no clue what we were doing. We didn't even know anyone in our zip code that was married, let alone that had kids. At first, our "friends" would come over to visit. However, after a while (and the fact that I would let very few of them hold her) they quit coming. It was quiet. It was Ryan, me and Emily against the world and the ASU campus! Looking back, I would not trade that time for anything. Until I met Emily, I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had no idea the blessings of motherhood. God knew what type of child we needed. I had spent the summer reading every article and book on child-rearing I could get my hands on. (I was an elementary ed major - I had access to A LOT of books!) I know this may be hard for some of you to believe, but I was an "over-the-top" textbook kind of mom. I think Emily was almost two before her schedule was broken (which did not fare well to the schedule breaker, sorry, mom). Emily spoiled us. She let us believe we were good parents. She slept through the night at 3 weeks (none of our other kids did this), she potty trained herself at 20 months, she was such a talker our sitter missed her when she was out sick "because she had no one to talk to", she taught herself to read and write at a very early age. I think it was our 4th year of homeschooling when she thanked me for "teaching her something new." The reality of it is God blessed her with such a sweet spirit, such an internal sense of right and wrong, such a sensitivity to those around her, with a heart to love others and Jesus like no one I have ever met. She would stump us (and still does on a regular basis) with some of the deepest theological questions there ever could be. I often worry that I am going to fail her somehow, she is so much better and smarter than I ever will be. However, I know that God allowing me to be her mother is one of the best gifts I could have ever received. I am in awe that He chose me. Happy Birthday, Emily!