The Girl I Used to Be
by Rowena K. Lewis Copyright 1997.
She came tonight as I sat alone, the girl I used to be.
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye, and questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans and hopes that I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame, all the wonderful things to do?
Where it the mansion of stately height, with all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you, and the jewels in your hair?
And as she spoke, I was very sad, for I wanted her pleased with me.
This slender girl from the shadowy past, the girl that I used to be.
So gently rising, I took her hand, and guided her up the stair
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay, innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems, and precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood, of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love, and the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls, for the dear ones who come and go.
And as I spoke to my shadowy guest, she smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw that the woman that I am now, pleased the girl that I used to be.
I read this poem on earlier today and I been reflecting on it all evening. I don't know very many women whose childhood career aspirations were to be a "mommy". While I don't doubt that motherhood may have been in the back of their minds, it was to be a "mommy" AND a ... For most of my childhood, I never had a clear "this is what I want to be". Sure like every other girl, I wanted to be a ballerina, a lawyer, circus performer but never a mother. Then God changed my plans (and thankfully my heart)and allowed me the blessing of children. Being a mother is hard. Being a "good" mother is even harder. I know that there will be woman all throughout my life who do not understand the choices I have made. Investing all I have in the lives of my children could not compare with any material things the world or workforce could ever have to offer. Listening to my youngest, most reluctant reader read aloud the Christmas story on Christmas Eve to a roomfull of people, having a person compliment on the character in which your child competed - without knowing he was being watched, having one child with the most tender-heart reach out to those less fortunate around her, having my first born confidently leaving the nest, poising her wings to soar high are gifts that only a mother could truly treasure. While I may not change the world, I know that the world is a better place because my four are in it. I know that the girl I used to be is so grateful that God's plan for me was perfect; better than anything I could have asked for or dreamed about.
