Lost

People don't have to know me very long to know that I am a lister AND a check - it - off the list lister. I have struggled with to-do lists most all of my adult life. I could make a "to-do" list with 50 things on it - knowing I couldn't possibly get to all 50. Say I made lots of progress and marked off 35 or so. Those 15 unmarked things would drive me crazy. However, somewhere I came across the general idea (of course I had to tweak it for my own purposes) of keeping a "to do" list notebook. I have never been good a prioritizing today's list, tomorrow's list, next month's list, etc. The concept behind this notebook was that I could date each days "to do" list and mark it off as I got to it. For some reason, this method was working for me. Not only was it working, I was thriving. It didn't matter that I hadn't crossed it off the list - it would be waiting for me the next day. As the pages were all marked off, I either tore them out or if I had notes I needed on it, I would give myself a "completed" stamp. I know, I know, I need therapy. But hold on, it gets worse. This method was working so well for me I went back to Wal-Mart to buy two more notebooks (of different colors of course) to use for my other nagging lists. I had a nice pink one for recording my weight each morning and the foods I had eaten that day. I had gotten a nice black one to record each day's spending habits. (I thought black was a nice, dreary budgety kind of color) and my wonderful "to do" notebook was blue. Do you see the problem? I said WAS! I have LOST my "to do" notebook and I don't even have to say how sick I am over it. It has been two weeks. I have scoured the house, the van, any and every bag I could have possibly used in the past two weeks and it is GONE! Last week of continually looking, I gave up. I told myself I could move on. I decided I would use the pink as my new "to do" list. I decided this because I am trying to be extremely budget conscious and the fact that the notebook was only $2 or the fact that is was almost used up is irrelevant. I tried it for two days. I couldn't do it. So today, I ransacked everything again thinking surely I had just missed it and it was simply lying somewhere waiting for me to come back. That elusive somewhere... I can't let it go - there were things still on the list that I was looking forward to checking them off. "So go buy a new notebook and write them all down again" you say - I can't. I don't remember them. The loss of my "to do" list notebook caused a domino effect. I have not written in my food journal nor my bank journal since it has been lost! So not only have I wasted the $2 of the notebook I lost, I have also wasted the $4 I spent on the other two. I guess my faith in my wonderful system has been shaken. Therapy, I tell you, lots and lots of therapy...

What do we know?

Tonight Alexa began a new activity. It was the first activity she has ever done drop-off style all alone. She has done drop-off style events, even overnight camp away, however; she always had at least one friend with her. This time, the venue was new, the people were new, we didn't know anyone. It was a new experience - for both of us! Afterwards, we had to run some errands and we ran into a 'friend'. Anyway, I was telling her where we had just come from. Her response was "wow, your kids are involved in a lot of things." I often tell my kids that sometimes it is not the words you say but how you say them. This 'friend' said this in a condescending, judgemental sort of way.
As a whole, most of my kids are not involved in much as far as the listing goes. But, when you are one of four, the miles / time involved really adds up. Owen is a gymnast. It is part of his identity. At the height of the season, he spends almost as much time with the guys at the gym as he does his dad. What started as a 45 minute commitment once a week as grown into much, much more. That is what happens; you commit to a sport, you increase in skill and level, obviously over the course of time, the money as well as time increases as well. He has been enrolled in one gym class or another for the past 9 years. That is a long, long time. Through the years, we have discussed if the time, money, effort Owen puts into the gym is worth it. I continually come up with "yes", it is, for so many reasons. Reasons he would probably not appreciate me listing publicly! Last year, Owen hurt his shoulder. It has increasingly become more and more painful. His coach suggested we go ahead and get it checked out. He has done damage to his rotator cuff, something that take time and a lot of therapy to correct. This shoulder injury has been tough. He has been down, he has been disconnected, he has been full of melancholy. I don't know what the Lord has in his future, I don't know if gymnastics may or may not play a role. I just know that, for now, that is where he is supposed to be.
Wondering why I am dwelling on this? I just watched Sara Groves video for the song "I Saw What I Saw." I have watched this video nearly a million times. Okay, not really a million, but definitely 10 - 15 times. Tonight, I as she was singing and I was watching the video, I was so completely broken. The sweet faces, the words on the screen, all of it. Tonight, was just overwhelming. Then, I started wondering, I wonder if anyone ever questioned her mother's motives - asking if she had too many voice lessons, too many piano lessons, too many guitar lessons, etc. How effective would she be traveling the world, singing of God's grace and abundance and bring an awareness like only a person of her stature can? I don't know if any of my children will ever use their gifts and talents for the Lord on a grand "change the world" mass scale. However, it is my prayer that they each have a platform in which they are able to use their gifts and talents as a tool to share the gospel. Those platforms look as different as each of my individual children - none greater or less than the other - just different. So, unless I ask you to continually drive my children to their events, pay for my children's events, or ask your opinion of said events, please, please keep your opinions to yourself!