Crazy Days

We have had a crazy couple of days. I woke up this morning to an alarm buzzing and me acting like a crazy person trying to remember where I was, what day it was, and what/where I was late for. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant way to start the day. Emily, Owen and Ryan are leaving Saturday morning to go to Texas with Open Door's TaeKwonDo ministry. They will be gone until next Sunday. Alexa has her first time a day camp this week and Ian is hosting "Camp fun Nemitz" at our house. In all of this, I decided we were going to get our pictures made. I am a true school teacher and have my kids "school" picture taken every year. (One year I missed getting them made and Upward pictures had to do. I was not pleased with myself.) Since it had been a couple of years since we had a full (not just the kids) family photo, I decided we were due. Everyone whined and complained but they managed to smile pretty anyway!

A letter

As I have been cleaning out, I have found where Emily has gotten her 10,000s of journals all over the place. It have been very cool and almost refreshing at going back and reading somethings I had written as I poured my heart out to My God. Some of it has been cool; however, some of it has been "man, I STILL have not learned this!" I found this letter this morning. I was doing a book study - the book is called Character Makeover. I only finished about half of the excellent book - who knows why I didn't complete it. Luckily, I went to my shelf, picked it up and remembered why I thought it such an excellent book. Maybe next year I will be blogging about the second half. :) Anyway, this is a prayer in the beginning of the book. It moved me so much that I changed some of the words and wrote the whole thing out as a letter in the beginning of my "Character makeover" journal. It is dated 2/7/2008.
The reason I am sharing it is because I went to bed with a troubled heart, burdened over many things. I fell asleep praying for the Lord to let my today finally become my tomorrow. Meaning there were many things I would like to do / to change and I have been finding myself saying "tomorrow" then days, weeks, months would pass and "tomorrow" still hadn't happened. This letter, is still my prayer, I just forgot that it was.

Dear Lord,
I am embarking upon holy work to be the best I can be for You. I have picked up this book about making over my character because at my deepest core, I want to please You. You, Lord, are the architect of my life, and You have been building something beautiful in my since before I was born. I want to join You in Your work for my life. I want you to prepare my heart, pray for a change, and practice the discipline of a woman of character.
I have a dream of doing something for You, but I am being held back by strongholds that the enemy is using to discourage and defeat me. Lord, show me who You really are and who I am through the truth of Your word and the power of Your Holy Spirit, so that I may overcome those persistent strongholds.
I pray for your protection to surround me as I start on this challenging renovation. Bring me encouragement along the way at just the moment when obstacles or self-condemnation threaten to derail my efforts. Show me which character quality You want me to start with, transform my prayer life, and help me persist to the end. I claim your blessings upon my collaboration with You to become that humble, confident, courageous, self-controlled, patient, content, generous, perservering woman You created me to be. May the time and energy I devote to developing my charactet cause You to use me all the more powerfully for Your kingdom-building purposes which will reap eternal rewards for me and those You want me to serve.
In the Mighty name of Jesus, I pray, amen.

Perfectionism VS Perseverance

James 1:4 "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." This verse suggests that perseverance is the catalyst for perfection. The word for mature is also translated "perfect", but it means the completion of a task or the end of a goal rather than moral or physical perfection. It is no secret that I would like to be perfect. However, as I have gotten older, that goal of perfect has seemed more and more unobtainable. It seems the harder I struggle for control, the more complicated things have become. I have recently noticed an alarming trend in my behavior. If I do an activity or organize an event well, I do it for a few years and quit. If I do an activity or organize an event and it isn't lining up well or the outcome doesn't look favorable, I quit. I used to rise to a challenge ready to just do my best. Now, I quit. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I cannot quit being a wife, mother, teacher, daughter, friend. Trust me, there have been times I have wanted to try. Yet, according to James 1:4 I can achieve perfection through perseverance. I guess it is like I tell Emily all the time about challenges she faces "If it were easy - anyone could do it!" I guess I need to start following my own advice!

What I am learning from Peter

The past couple of weeks - I have been surrounded by Peter's lesson of walking on water. Matthew 14: 24-33 " But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary. Now in the 4th watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out for fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid," And Peter answered Him and said, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." So He said, "Come." And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, "Lord, save me!" And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, "Truly You are the Son of God." I was teaching this lesson this past week at VBS to five year olds. I had a raft for the boat, paper plates for the wind, blue streamers for waves and of course a Peter, Jesus, and disciples. After concluding the lesson, one of the boys stated "If he (Peter) was going to be scared, he shouldn't have ASKED to get out of the boat!" I have been thinking about this all week. I am constantly on Emily for letting her fears stop her from doing the things she really wants to do. I am asking her to get out of the boat, even though she is afraid. The thing about getting out of the boat is that you have to stay focused on Christ or you sink. It is a gamble, it is a risk. Yet, if I am called out of the boat - I won't fail. I learned a hard lesson several years ago that Christ equips you for the tasks He calls you to. However, sometimes we take that 'equipment' and use it other places or in other ministries than it was intended; leaving us to believe we were left stranded in the middle of the lake - sinking. Tonight, I went to a man's funeral that has attended Faith for a very long time. It was a beautiful service and people were giving testimony to how his life had impacted or affected theirs in some way. Listening and watching the service I was again reminded of Peter and the boat. People like Ty do not have that sort of testimony by staying in the boat; by not taking a risk and investing in the people around him. Not only was Peter changed, but the other disciples as well said "Truly you are the Son of God." There are so many ways/times that I have asked to walk on the water and I feel at other times I have been commanded to walk on the water. It is no secret that I fear failure. However, I am slowly trying to come to the realization that sometimes the failure I feel is nothing more than stubbornness in my refusal to get out of the boat and take a risk. The way I see it, there are two options 1 - be Peter and get out of the boat - keeping my eyes focused on Christ or
2- sit and wish I had been the one brave enough to take a chance.