My Highly Sensitive Child

I have one of those. I actually almost have two of those but one fits all of the requirements. It started EARLY in life! So early that I remember vividly going to the outlet in Smithfield when she was about 2 and a half and after nearly all day, we had gone to every store there and at the LAST store (Tommy Hilfiger - no less) she found 1 pair of pants she could/would wear. I called Ryan on the phone and he told me he didn't care how much they cost, to get every color they had. She wore three pair of pants that year - a red pair, a pink pair and a black pair - all velour with satin lining inside. I knew then that this was more than a control issue. I immediately searched on line for extreme sensitivities and sure enough, I found a book (which is yellow and dog-eared from years of referencing) "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron. When answering the questionnaire at the beginning of the book, I had to answer yes to 18 of the 23 "diagnostic" questions. The questions I was able to answer no to were about being quiet and shy, definitely no problem there! Anyway, after years and years of compromise, I am happy to say that she will now fix her hair, wear tennis shoes with socks (still not any old pair of socks, but still socks), wear jeans, try most texture of foods, etc. However, emotionally she is still EXTREMELY sensitive. It is one of her most endearing qualities, yet as her mother, I see the toll it takes on her. There is a young man missing from our community tonight. He went out for a jog this morning and didn't return home. There were people gathering to help look for him. While we don't know him personally, he plays on the same football organization my boy's do. Anyway, he was a strong, young 16 year old boy out for a run in daylight and didn't come home. That messes with every sense of security my girl has set up for herself. It challenges her sense of security, her sense of justice, her sense of well-being. At the same time, we have dear friends that are having trouble with safely in their living situation. Another girl on the internet that was reportedly taken from her room in the middle of the night. Another dear family on the brink of divorce. My girl sees corruption and selfishness and "badness" (as she calls it) ruling the world. Tonight as I was holding her as she was praying / sobbing her heart out, she confessed that sometimes she just gets so sick of this world, that she just cannot wait to die (please hear me that she is NOT suicidal). Her little heart breaks over how much sin is in the world, how much our sinful actions must hurt Christ. It reminds me of the song "Hosanna" by Hillsong that says: Break my heart from what breaks yours Everything I am for your kingdoms cause As I go from nothing to Eternity Her hurt breaks for what breaks His. In all her sensitivity issues God has given her the gift of Empathy. How she uses it for His glory and how He develops her many gifts still remains to be seen. Yet, I know there is definitely work in progress. I am thankful that I listened to my small inner mama voice and knew her sensitivity issues were not the norm. I am thankful that I had the wisdom to guide and correct in a way that allowed her to feel safe and free to be herself yet still make progress (in wearing hair bows, shoes, socks, jeans, etc.) Tonight, after a while, she got her emotions back under control and one brother came and offered a box of tissues, the other brother came and offered to switch beds so that she could sleep in his in order to stay in the room with them tonight if she wanted. That's what love looks like. Even though they don't react or sorrow at her same level, they want to reach out and comfort her, soothe her, protect her. Tomorrow she will still be sad and she will still be anxious until an end is resolved and she will continue to pray and pour out her heart to Him. And I am perfectly okay with that.

Parenting through the decades

Okay, so I lost momentum with my house story. I love that story, it's one of my favorites. I had envisioned 4 nice little posts, only days apart with pictures to back up my "story". However, my craft room is a total mess and I couldn't get to the very first picture I wanted so I did what every perfectionist does, I procrastinated, and then procrastinated some more until I lost my ummph to tell the story. Maybe next year, maybe next week, who really knows.... Anyway, I decided it was time to get back in the saddle (so to speak) and we're moving on. This week has been a weird week. Ryan has been off all week (which was great) but "normally" we go away for a couple of days. "Normally" I save up our spring break for this week. This year was a little different. We took a partial spring break early March when Emily was home and then we took the other half the week before Easter. Everyone's activities and classes were still going on - we had gotten so far behind in just normal house maintenance that we decided a stay cation would be best. Believe me, the time was filled! Ian's Sunday School class had planned a campout for this weekend so all of my boys went. The girls and I had a good, fun girl's night Friday night. We went out to dinner, watched a movie and stayed up laughing and talking together until 1:00 am! I was telling Emily that on Thursday, Alexa got "caught" (she was doing it in plain sight - not trying to hide her 'helping' tool.) using Google translate to "help" finish the sentences in her Latin assignment. She explained that she didn't see much difference than using dictionary.com. How I noticed what she was doing was because Ian was "waiting" in line for the laptop. He wanted to google the place they were going camping to see how close the lake was to where they were going to sleep. Emily started laughing at how different technologically my younger two kids are than my older two. She would have never thought, nor knew how, to use Google translate. Owen didn't use/search the internet until middle school. (Just to put a disclaimer here - we have the necessary parental codes/filters on our computers to protect our children - they don't just 'wander' the internet.) From that conversation, I started thinking about television. I despise television. My children know this about me and love me in spite of it! When my older two were 'growing' up, we didn't have cable. We didn't have cable until about 5 years ago. Last night for our girl's night movie, Alexa downloaded a Netflix movie for us to watch. It just amazes me; sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. During school hours, the television, gaming systems, computers (unless for school purposes) are not allowed without permission. They find other ways to fill their time, and they are very good at it. But come the weekend, an electronic device is almost always their first choice for their downtime. Then, after a while, with little to no prompting from me, most of them will go in search of something else to do - crafts, go outside, jump on the trampoline, just run and play and be crazy kids. There are 9 years between my oldest and my youngest. There will be nine years (or more) between my youngest and our addition. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and fearful of all the new "challenges" electronics may bring in the next decade. Then, I look out and see my younger two 'techno' kids running outside or playing some detailed imaginary game - just like my older two used to do - and I think - It'll be okay. We'll roll when we need to roll and unplug when we need to unplug.