Independence

Independence, generally speaking, is an ugly word at my house. I am a strong-headed, willful, stubborn, independent person. I have been that way as long as I can remember. Therefore, I can only assume I was born that way. However, naturally over time, my independence has weakened. I do believe that I was not created to be independent but to live peacefully under the leadership and direction of my husband. The one flaw in this system is that from January - April my husband is not present. For the most part, even when his body is at home - he is not really home. So, my natural instincts kick in and I take over. For us, it works. Yet, when tax season is over, it takes a little while for us to transition back. I have to help him "get in the know" of the details. The kids have to get used to him being home more. He doesn't appreciate their "creations" quite like I do. Usually at the end of tax season, we go away on a mini-vacation. We went skiing at the first of January this year so we didn't go anywhere. It was nice to stay home and just do things around here. The kids didn't enjoy it quite as much but if felt really good to get some major things checked off the list. Overall, this has been one of the toughest seasons we have had in a long time. Our first tax season (1995) was especially torturous. As we hit our groove, they got better. Then the seasons when Alexa and Ian were very small were tough - they had way too much mom time. The season Henry lived with us was tough - that one was really tougher on Ryan because Owen and Henry would fight for his attention the moment he walked into the door. I wasn't expecting this one to be difficult. Maybe that is why it was - maybe I was overconfident in MY abilities. This year, the kids had A LOT going on. When they were little, I would try to taper the activities we did during tax season. That is impossible to do now. We (I) had a lot of firsts this year. 1- Ian played Upward basketball for the first time. Ryan & Emily were his coaches. 2- Alexa did cheerleading. This was not her first year but the first year she and Ian were not in the same league. 3- Owen had gymnastic meets all over the place in Jan, Feb, & March. The exact same time as the upward games were going on; when Ryan was trying to work, coach basketball and transport Alexa to games. My parents helped a lot. My mom came to a lot of their games and my dad helped to transport when he was off. 4 - I drove Owen to Hickory by myself and stayed in a hotel overnight. I had never stayed in a hotel with me as the only adult. It was interesting. 5- I flew with Owen to Miami. It was the first time I had ever flown as the parent in charge and it was Owen's first time flying. 6- Drove all over Miami in a little red Cavalier. My first time to drive in a city as large as Miami, having NO idea where I was going. Truth be told, that was kind of fun. I don't think I would have been a very good passenger-side driver. 7 - I took Emily to the doctor's at UNC Chapel Hill. I do not do well in this type of situation but I did okay. Emily was brave. :) 8 - I took Ian and a friend to Adventure Landing to play laser tag and ride the go-carts. 9 - I put together a bicycle. Okay, Emily and my Dad helped A LOT and the seat did fall off the next day. But Ian had one glorious day of riding his new bike. Luckily, it was at the end of tax season and he didn't have to wait long for the repair. The point is we are in a stage of our life where time stops for no one. Basketball, cheerleading, gymnastics, doctor's appointments, etc, etc, are going to continue to dominate our lives for sometime now. The truth of the matter is Ryan would much rather do all of those things with me. He knows I have fears of motel rooms, of doctor's offices, driving in large cities. Yet, I know he would be there if he could. Someone made the comment that it is only 25% of the year. I can look at that like - man, 25% is A LOT or I can look at it like - thank goodness it is only 25%. I am thankful that he is here and very involved in the other 75%. I am grateful that he has a job, he is a hard worker, he likes what he does. The first night Ryan was home, Ian curled up in his lap and said "Daddy, when will tax season be over?" Ryan said, "It is over, buddy, that is why I am home." Ian nodded his head and said "how much longer until it is tax season again?" A long time, buddy, a long time; we've got the glorious other 75% to go!