Most of my life growing up, I had my own room. I had my own "stuff". My sibling closest to me was five years younger and male. I have a younger sister but she is 10 years younger so she never threatened my "stuff" either. Needless to say that going off to college was an adjustment. Luckily, my roomate shared similar philosophies about sharing. We co-existed and because it was what we both wanted, it worked very well for us. However, even though Ryan had always had his own room as well - (a boy sandwiched in between two sisters)he had no problem "sharing". What was mine was his (and vice versa) only I still prefered my "stuff" to be left alone. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind someone using my stuff but I want it returned to the same place you took it from and in the exact same condition. Ryan has the uncanny ability to make himself at home anywhere, a trait that at times I am jealous of. Anyway, when we were buying houses years ago, I "needed" a three bedroom house. I had two kids - a girl and a boy - I needed three rooms. We got the three rooms. I rememember someone asking if we were going to have more kids - I replied, "No - I would have to get a bigger house." Honestly, it never really occured to me to put more than one kid in a room - especially because they were boy / girl. The lady looked at me and said "that is the most selfish thing I have ever heard." Really? I was dumbfounded. Needless to say, we did decide to have more kids. When Alexa was born we put her in Owen's room. It was a small starter home and the bedrooms were small. Emily had a full bed in her room. Owen took it upon himself to move in with Emily. We didn't really plan on him moving in there but Alexa would make noises and he would wake up scared and go to Emily's bed. So, for a while, Owen didn't have a bed at all. Then a friend of ours was getting rid of their bunk beds and asked did we want them. Sure, everyone at least "needs" their own bed. So we got the bunk beds and Emily and Owen were both distraught. Emily because her bed was in the attic and Owen because he couldn't reach Emily. The first night, Owen came out in hysterics that we were the meanest parents alive. I calmly told him that in some families do kids not only sleep in their own beds but also their own rooms - in the dark - alone. He said "that is the meanest thing I have ever heard." When we went to check on them later that evening, Emily had her arm stuck down the side of the bed and they were sound asleep holding hands.
When we began to design/build this house those old fears came creeping up. How many bedrooms should there be? The kids actually decided that for now, they would like to stay together in pairs with the option of being alone when they got older. So far, "older" hasn't happened. I most likely live in the largest three bedroom home there ever has been. I love (most of the time) hearing my kids talking and singing, teaching each other Bible verses, making up stories with each other, just talking about life. I don't know how effective this method will be in then not wanting people to touch their "stuff" but I know the bond the four of them share is unbreakable. All of them know the sacrifice of sharing space; of give and take, something I am still trying to learn!
1 comment:
I always say that some builder somewhere came up with the idea that each child should have his/her own room. We kept H and B together until the twins needed to move upstairs. I cherish those memories as well...the singing, laughing, playing, (and arguing... occasionally) that takes place when they are going to bed or waking up. We just put up the bunk beds for the 3 girls and their room has suddenly become a ship. (Hum, I wonder why?:) But I was the only girl and had my own room so I'm with you on the "my space/my stuff" idea.
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