Lost

People don't have to know me very long to know that I am a lister AND a check - it - off the list lister. I have struggled with to-do lists most all of my adult life. I could make a "to-do" list with 50 things on it - knowing I couldn't possibly get to all 50. Say I made lots of progress and marked off 35 or so. Those 15 unmarked things would drive me crazy. However, somewhere I came across the general idea (of course I had to tweak it for my own purposes) of keeping a "to do" list notebook. I have never been good a prioritizing today's list, tomorrow's list, next month's list, etc. The concept behind this notebook was that I could date each days "to do" list and mark it off as I got to it. For some reason, this method was working for me. Not only was it working, I was thriving. It didn't matter that I hadn't crossed it off the list - it would be waiting for me the next day. As the pages were all marked off, I either tore them out or if I had notes I needed on it, I would give myself a "completed" stamp. I know, I know, I need therapy. But hold on, it gets worse. This method was working so well for me I went back to Wal-Mart to buy two more notebooks (of different colors of course) to use for my other nagging lists. I had a nice pink one for recording my weight each morning and the foods I had eaten that day. I had gotten a nice black one to record each day's spending habits. (I thought black was a nice, dreary budgety kind of color) and my wonderful "to do" notebook was blue. Do you see the problem? I said WAS! I have LOST my "to do" notebook and I don't even have to say how sick I am over it. It has been two weeks. I have scoured the house, the van, any and every bag I could have possibly used in the past two weeks and it is GONE! Last week of continually looking, I gave up. I told myself I could move on. I decided I would use the pink as my new "to do" list. I decided this because I am trying to be extremely budget conscious and the fact that the notebook was only $2 or the fact that is was almost used up is irrelevant. I tried it for two days. I couldn't do it. So today, I ransacked everything again thinking surely I had just missed it and it was simply lying somewhere waiting for me to come back. That elusive somewhere... I can't let it go - there were things still on the list that I was looking forward to checking them off. "So go buy a new notebook and write them all down again" you say - I can't. I don't remember them. The loss of my "to do" list notebook caused a domino effect. I have not written in my food journal nor my bank journal since it has been lost! So not only have I wasted the $2 of the notebook I lost, I have also wasted the $4 I spent on the other two. I guess my faith in my wonderful system has been shaken. Therapy, I tell you, lots and lots of therapy...