My new motto "Let Go and Let God..."

This is what Owen looked like when he had just transferred to North Raleigh Gymnastics. He was 7. He had been taking gym at a local place when the owner told us Owen had too much potential to stay at his girl's focused gym. He actually called around and set up a time for Owen to be evaluated. We went but then sort of hemmed and hawed at signing him up. They wanted him on TEAM. This was a big, expensive, time-consuming commitment. I was just unsure. After a couple of months of him living on the trampoline, flipping on and off our couch, chairs, etc, we decided he needed it. Well, 7 years later here we are:





In the middle of the season last year, Owen hurt his shoulder on rings. After 8 months his coach decided maybe we should go have it checked out. An MRI and 1,000 hours of PT later, we discovered that he has a partially torn rotator cuff. I have been fortunate enough that my kids have been healthy. Orthopedist appointments and physical therapy appointments several times a week created havoc on our schedule as well as our checkbook. We were so uncertain what to do. The fact of the matter is Owen is a gymnast. It is part of his make-up, it is part of his identity.

He wasn't ready to give it up. I wasn't ready for him to give it up. I didn't feel as though God was ready for him to give it up. He wasn't done. So, we had him lay out of the first meet. Saturday(Jan 14) is the second meet. We are going. I am extremely nervous about it - not just for his shoulder. I am nervous because of fear. Fear of doing the wrong thing (about letting him compete), fear of him not doing well and being disappointed in himself, just fear of unsettledness. In all that fear I hear a small voice saying "Let Go and Let God". I know it, my brain knows it but my heart, my pride, my love for Owen tries to scream over that quiet voice. So, if you think of us bright and early this Saturday morning - just lift us up because I have a feeling I'm going to need it!

Second time is the charm? NOT

I have probably posted a million things about expectations and control. Admittedly, I have issues with both. I like to know what to expect. Unfortunately, I am not a good listener so even if someone explains to me what to expect, I am still a little over the top. Okay, sometimes a lot over the top. But I have learned from experience that just because someone had one experience, doesn't mean it is going to go that way for me. I think most of us would admit that, should we be honest with ourselves. For example, take childbirth. You can line 50 women up and you would have 50 different stories. Even within my four, each has a different story - yet, after the first I knew what to expect. Adoption follows the same line. We know lots of people that have adopted, probably more than the average because I just sort of gravitate to it. Yet, every adoption story is different. Due to circumstances beyond our control, most of our original paperwork are reaching their expiration dates. Some, like physicals, we just have to keep redoing, redoing, redoing. But others, like fingerprints, homestudy, etc, are a little more involved in updating. In addition to all the updates, our oldest child is technically no longer a child and we have to refile our information with another adult in our household. We started out by (re)going to the courthouse for background checks. The first time we got all our stuff together - took the whole family - afterwards we went out to lunch, made a day of it. This time, we squeezed it in "on the way" to someplace else. 1st - Lady at court "Do you want me to file/send that for you?" Me (thinking to myself - you might not do something correctly and then there will be a delay) "no, thank you" 2nd time - lady asked the same question - I still said no but I had to think about it long and hard! The next place was to Homeland Security - 1st time we were so nervous and excited - all the way there we talked about names, room possibilities, etc. 2nd - again, on our way to someplace else. We literally had to take 4 cars! No romanticising for us! The last thing we had to do/update before Emily goes back to school was our homestudy update. The first time I nearly gave myself an ulcer. I am sure I repainted something. We made her lunch, the kids were lined up "Sound of Music" style, not even going to talk about how clean my house was - I am pretty sure even my attic was straight and well labeled. 2nd time - in my defense, it was the week after Christmas. Let's just say, I wasn't nearly as prepared. I don't even think we offered the poor woman anything to drink. The social worker asked me what we thought about the wait. I told her honestly that I try not to think about it. Some people give the number a special ring, some make it come only to a certain phone, I would probably think it was a telemarketer when they finally call us. All of this brings me back to my second issue of control. I cannot control any of it. I cannot control the how, the where, the when. I just hope and pray I don't have to let you know how I respond the 3rd time around! First time was passionate, second time was indifference, any wagers on the emotion of the third? :)

50 Random Things

I copied this idea from a friend of mine. It is very hard to come up with 50 random facts! Enjoy, don't judge. :)

1. I was born in Rocky Mount, NC. I weighed 9 lbs 14 oz.
2. I am the first-born child in my family.
3. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was 10. However, I didn't
consistently live like I meant it until I was 22.
3. When I was young, I wanted to be a boy.
4. As a teen, I didn't want to be a wife or a mother.
5. I thought I would eventually join the Peace Corps and adopt lots of kids.
6. Without Christ, I would be a democratic, libral, woman's advocate.
7. My first job was working the drive thru window at Taco Bell, I was 15.
8. I took dance - tap, jazz and ballet - from the time I was four until I was a
junior in college.
9. I don't like being told what to do.
10. I love chocolate.
11. I like to excersice but don't as much as I should.
12. I went to college to be a French major.
13. I met Ryan (my husband) the day after my 18th birthday. His friend was trying to
pick me up - I wasn't interested.
14. I would rather go to the beach than the mountains.
15. I love heights! Owen (my oldest son) and I plan to skydive for his 18th
birthday.
16. I remember where I was when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded. I was in the
8th grade. We were watching it at school. One of our Science teachers was
selected to be 3rd runner up to go up in space on the Challenger.
17. When Ryan called to ask me out for the first time, I didn't know who he was.
(He had a nickname but he identified himself with his real name.)
18. I hate horror movies and green peas.
19. Fall is my favorite season.
20. Ryan proposed in the mall parking lot after he bought my ring - he couldn't wait
any longer!
21. Snickers is my favorite candy bar.
22. I detest coffee - even the smell.
23. I played soccer in high school.
24. Emily (my oldest daughter) was 15 months old when I graduated college.
25. I was named after both my grandmothers.
26. I am my father's only child.
27. I got married in my mother's wedding gown.
28. I drink one can of Dr. Pepper everyday. It's my vice.
29. I am over the top afraid of dentists. Crazy, I know.
30. As a teacher, I was crazy opposed to homeschooling!
31. I tried out for cheerleading (and made the team) in the 6th grade. However,
before school started, we moved to a different district. I never tried out
again.
32. When I was little, I wanted to be a marine biologist.
33. My favorite color is orange.
34. When I was young, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. I love them dearly.
35. I love to learn but didn't like school.
36. I was on the Dean's List every semester in college after finally declaring a
major. I was on academic probation every semester before.
37. I love to file and organize things.
38. I like to move the furniture around in my house.
39. I have aunts, uncles and cousins very close to my age. They were great
playmates when I was young.
40. I turned down an invitation to interview for a teaching scholarship because I
was pretty sure I didn't want to become a teacher.
41. My first full-time paid job was teaching Kindergarten. The school was in my
backyard; I could walk to work.
42. Clutter gets on my nerves.
43. My husband is my best friend.
44. I like to do crafty projects but I am often frustrated/discouraged with how
they turn out.
45. My degree is in elementary education with a minor in psychology and dance.
46. I designed and live in my dream house.
47. I love my kids and being their mom is one of my greatest accomplishments.
48. There is no where in the world I would not like to go for a visit.
49. The thought of hungry orphans all over the world keeps me up at night.
50. Thankfully, my life turned out nothing like I expected. I am so thankful that
God gives us what we need, not always what we want. I am extremely blessed.