Doers of the Word

I have been doing a private study on the book of James. I love James; this book has often been a source of comfort and blessing over the course of my life. Recently, I began Beth Moore's study of James. A lesson this week has really been rolling around in my head and heart. The part of the lesson that really struck me is based on James 1:22 - 25: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the one who looks intently into the perfect law of freedom and perseveres in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but one who does good works - this person will be blessed in what he does." The general gist is this: Sunday after Sunday, our church is packed. Yet, statistically, only a small number of those people strive to live out and apply what they have learned. Beth Moore says "the tricky part is that hearing all by itself really does lend a certain satisfaction." How many times do we leave convicted by the words we heard on Sunday? How many times do we forget about it until we are there again the next Sunday? That is forgetting what we look like. 'God's word is meant to do more than penetrate - it's meant to activate. It's not until the hearing turns into doing that believing leads to blessing.' Several times in the past couple of weeks, I have been confronted and/or told of Christian teenagers making terrible decisions. These are teenagers with Christian parents, teens that are very involved in the youth group, come to church and Sunday School week after week. These are the "good" kids. Then, after studying this lesson it dawns on me that they are simply hearers of the word and not yet doers of the word. It is an easy trap to fall into. We all start out with the best of intentions then other commitments, laziness, disobedience and sometimes just plain ole' stubbornness stop us from the doing part. Listening, for most people, is easy - the doing is hard. It requires effort, it requires sacrifice, it requires discipline. Yet, without it, we only have head knowledge - no heart knowledge. When our hearts are changed, we are forever altered. We are still going to make mistakes, we are still going to make some bad choices but I want to be constantly reminded of my true identity 'I want to be who I was created to be: a bearer of the very image of God.'

My Highly Sensitive Child

I have one of those. I actually almost have two of those but one fits all of the requirements. It started EARLY in life! So early that I remember vividly going to the outlet in Smithfield when she was about 2 and a half and after nearly all day, we had gone to every store there and at the LAST store (Tommy Hilfiger - no less) she found 1 pair of pants she could/would wear. I called Ryan on the phone and he told me he didn't care how much they cost, to get every color they had. She wore three pair of pants that year - a red pair, a pink pair and a black pair - all velour with satin lining inside. I knew then that this was more than a control issue. I immediately searched on line for extreme sensitivities and sure enough, I found a book (which is yellow and dog-eared from years of referencing) "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron. When answering the questionnaire at the beginning of the book, I had to answer yes to 18 of the 23 "diagnostic" questions. The questions I was able to answer no to were about being quiet and shy, definitely no problem there! Anyway, after years and years of compromise, I am happy to say that she will now fix her hair, wear tennis shoes with socks (still not any old pair of socks, but still socks), wear jeans, try most texture of foods, etc. However, emotionally she is still EXTREMELY sensitive. It is one of her most endearing qualities, yet as her mother, I see the toll it takes on her. There is a young man missing from our community tonight. He went out for a jog this morning and didn't return home. There were people gathering to help look for him. While we don't know him personally, he plays on the same football organization my boy's do. Anyway, he was a strong, young 16 year old boy out for a run in daylight and didn't come home. That messes with every sense of security my girl has set up for herself. It challenges her sense of security, her sense of justice, her sense of well-being. At the same time, we have dear friends that are having trouble with safely in their living situation. Another girl on the internet that was reportedly taken from her room in the middle of the night. Another dear family on the brink of divorce. My girl sees corruption and selfishness and "badness" (as she calls it) ruling the world. Tonight as I was holding her as she was praying / sobbing her heart out, she confessed that sometimes she just gets so sick of this world, that she just cannot wait to die (please hear me that she is NOT suicidal). Her little heart breaks over how much sin is in the world, how much our sinful actions must hurt Christ. It reminds me of the song "Hosanna" by Hillsong that says: Break my heart from what breaks yours Everything I am for your kingdoms cause As I go from nothing to Eternity Her hurt breaks for what breaks His. In all her sensitivity issues God has given her the gift of Empathy. How she uses it for His glory and how He develops her many gifts still remains to be seen. Yet, I know there is definitely work in progress. I am thankful that I listened to my small inner mama voice and knew her sensitivity issues were not the norm. I am thankful that I had the wisdom to guide and correct in a way that allowed her to feel safe and free to be herself yet still make progress (in wearing hair bows, shoes, socks, jeans, etc.) Tonight, after a while, she got her emotions back under control and one brother came and offered a box of tissues, the other brother came and offered to switch beds so that she could sleep in his in order to stay in the room with them tonight if she wanted. That's what love looks like. Even though they don't react or sorrow at her same level, they want to reach out and comfort her, soothe her, protect her. Tomorrow she will still be sad and she will still be anxious until an end is resolved and she will continue to pray and pour out her heart to Him. And I am perfectly okay with that.

Parenting through the decades

Okay, so I lost momentum with my house story. I love that story, it's one of my favorites. I had envisioned 4 nice little posts, only days apart with pictures to back up my "story". However, my craft room is a total mess and I couldn't get to the very first picture I wanted so I did what every perfectionist does, I procrastinated, and then procrastinated some more until I lost my ummph to tell the story. Maybe next year, maybe next week, who really knows.... Anyway, I decided it was time to get back in the saddle (so to speak) and we're moving on. This week has been a weird week. Ryan has been off all week (which was great) but "normally" we go away for a couple of days. "Normally" I save up our spring break for this week. This year was a little different. We took a partial spring break early March when Emily was home and then we took the other half the week before Easter. Everyone's activities and classes were still going on - we had gotten so far behind in just normal house maintenance that we decided a stay cation would be best. Believe me, the time was filled! Ian's Sunday School class had planned a campout for this weekend so all of my boys went. The girls and I had a good, fun girl's night Friday night. We went out to dinner, watched a movie and stayed up laughing and talking together until 1:00 am! I was telling Emily that on Thursday, Alexa got "caught" (she was doing it in plain sight - not trying to hide her 'helping' tool.) using Google translate to "help" finish the sentences in her Latin assignment. She explained that she didn't see much difference than using dictionary.com. How I noticed what she was doing was because Ian was "waiting" in line for the laptop. He wanted to google the place they were going camping to see how close the lake was to where they were going to sleep. Emily started laughing at how different technologically my younger two kids are than my older two. She would have never thought, nor knew how, to use Google translate. Owen didn't use/search the internet until middle school. (Just to put a disclaimer here - we have the necessary parental codes/filters on our computers to protect our children - they don't just 'wander' the internet.) From that conversation, I started thinking about television. I despise television. My children know this about me and love me in spite of it! When my older two were 'growing' up, we didn't have cable. We didn't have cable until about 5 years ago. Last night for our girl's night movie, Alexa downloaded a Netflix movie for us to watch. It just amazes me; sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. During school hours, the television, gaming systems, computers (unless for school purposes) are not allowed without permission. They find other ways to fill their time, and they are very good at it. But come the weekend, an electronic device is almost always their first choice for their downtime. Then, after a while, with little to no prompting from me, most of them will go in search of something else to do - crafts, go outside, jump on the trampoline, just run and play and be crazy kids. There are 9 years between my oldest and my youngest. There will be nine years (or more) between my youngest and our addition. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and fearful of all the new "challenges" electronics may bring in the next decade. Then, I look out and see my younger two 'techno' kids running outside or playing some detailed imaginary game - just like my older two used to do - and I think - It'll be okay. We'll roll when we need to roll and unplug when we need to unplug.

"House Day" - March 3rd - The journey - Part 1

I know it is crazy that I know exactly what day we closed on our house. This is the third house we have owned but the only one I can tell you the exact date. I can tell you the month and the year with the others but not the exact date. Our first house, we knew that was the house for us. We had been searching for months and when the realtor called and said a house had just come on the market she thought we would love I went over to meet her alone. Emily was sick and the weather was yucky, the house was only about 4 miles from the house we were currently renting. I met her and fell in love. I went back home and Ryan went to meet the realtor so he could see. We had an appointment the next day to make an offer. The house had only been on the market 3 days and we only had $500 earnest money for a deposit. The realtor was skeptical as to whether or not our offer would be accepted. It turns out that the lady of the house, knew me from school. I was a Kindergarten teacher at the local elementary school at the time. She had just pulled her 5 kids out of our school to homeschool them. I thought she was crazy - 1) to have 5 kids - 2) to want to HOMESCHOOL them when we had a perfectly wonderful neighborhood school. That was why they were selling the house - she felt she needed more room. It was just a small, three bedroom house. Much to our realtor's surprise, they not only accepted our offer but asked them to give us their phone number so that if we had any questions or needed any measurements, to please call. I took her up on that offer and we spent a lovely afternoon together. I remember it being the first time I was impressed that a person could have that many well-behaved children. They were kind and polite to me, to their mother, to each other ( unbeknownst to me that tinny-tiney little large homeschool family seed possibly taking root). I loved that house. The only thing I didn't love about it was that we were so far away from family. Ryan's job was also very demanding and he didn't see a lot of potential for growth there so after 2 1/2 years in the house we put it on the market. It was on a pretty busy road and because we hadn't owned it all that long and because we were moving to a more expensive town and because we had decided I was going to stay at home full time we decided to list the house for sale by owner. The sign had been in the yard a couple of hours when a couple stopped by. They were friends of friends from church and had been hearing that we were thinking of selling. They bought our house. One day, one showing. We were on to our next adventure...

What's your platform?

For the past several months, we have been reading inspirational true-life stories of young adults. These are ordinary young people living extra-ordinary lives for Christ. The first book we read was "Kisses from Katie". The story of Katie Davis who moved to Uganda for a year after high school. She is now the 22 year old mother of 13 living in Uganda. She did not spend her life preparing for her platform. She clung to His will for her day to day decisions. She shares very openly about how difficult some of those decisions were and the ramifications both good and bad of those decisions. We finished the book in record time and I went out searching for another. The next book I chose was Tim Tebow's "Through My Eyes". The boys got a laugh at how they had to explain some of the more technical aspects of football to us "females" and how I butchered some of their names. However, as with "Kisses from Katie" the questions we began to ask ourselves and each other were often about evaluating our own lives to see if our "platforms" had eternal significance and if they didn't how could we change it , if it did, how could we do better. One night, Ian decided that we all needed to go around the room and announce our platform and tell one way we had used it for Christ. A couple of night later, he made us do it again and this time we had to name a different platform. Obviously, Tim Tebow has spent a lot of time preparing for his platform and knew at a very early age what he was called to do. Still, he was able to walk us through some of those difficult decisions he had to make and share with us the outcome. It took us a little longer to plow through the Tebow book because his chapters were longer, we had to stop to explain things more and it was over Christmas break so things were a little more hectic. After Christmas, I went on the hunt again. This time, I came home with Bethany Hamilton's "Soul Surfer". This book was a little different because we had all seen the movie. However, hearing things from her perspective as a 13 year old girl has been very intriguing. Yesterday, we were talking about her "platform" and how her platform got a louder voice as a result of tragedy. Like Tebow, she had been preparing all her life to become the best in her sport and was making great strides. Then, that fateful Halloween day, everything changed. Platforms take all shapes and sizes. We have learned that just from asking one another how it is going, giving one another encouragement and accountability. Our pastor has been saying recently that "For anything to be dynamic, it has to be specific." I truly believe that. I believe that we have to be specific in looking for ways to share the gospel. I will be the first to admit, I am good with using actions, terrible using my words. When we go into Target or Wal-Mart or the grocery store, I often engage the clerk in conversation. It drives my kid's crazy. It also drives them crazy that the cashiers remember me and whatever we talked about last time and the kid's think it is crazy that these people all over town know random things about us. That's my platform. It may not be glamorous and I surely didn't pick it, but it is. So I ask, "what is your platform and how are you being specific?"

It's all in the perspective...

Recently, a friend of mine challenged us (Ryan and myself) on the wisdom in "letting" Emily attend East Carolina. This is a friend that has always been very vocal about the importance of her kids "being light" and therefore attending public school. However, now that her oldest is about to graduate high school, they are looking at a small, conservative Christian college. Let me just say, I am not one of those people who believe there is ONE educational style that fits every child nor every family. The thing that struck me after this conversation is the fact that whatever they feel they are doing is the right thing so therefore, what I am doing must be wrong. I know that homeschooling Emily, specifically since she is the topic of conversation here, was the right thing to do. I felt that through years of dialogue, communication, spiritual, mental and emotional growth fueled her a light that refuses to be dimmed. That is what we prepared her for. We purposefully put her in trying situations, we purposefully looked for ways to stretch her, to grow her and we were there beside her the whole time dialoguing, communicating, working through the processes it took to persevere. She knew it, I knew it, our family knew it. Even when the debate came up as to which college she should attend and descriptions like "liberal" or "party" came up, she informed us "this is what you have been preparing me for" and she is RIGHT! Our intention was never to isolate but to insulate. To be prepared to face a lost and dying world with the hope of Christ. Here is the other catch though, the things/ways we pushed her, the situations we put her in, the ways we looked to stretch her are very different than the ways we will to those siblings younger than her, yet the goal is still the same. To send them out of our nest, out of our home, equipped with the tools to stand firmly, solidly for Christ no matter the circumstances, no matter where/what they do after high school. I would never say we have arrived. I know that Satan is real and loves nothing more than to tempt us with sin, pulling us further and further from truth. However, what I will say is that I am thankful that we have had 18 years to charge the battery that is shining very brightly on the campus of East Carolina University.

My new motto "Let Go and Let God..."

This is what Owen looked like when he had just transferred to North Raleigh Gymnastics. He was 7. He had been taking gym at a local place when the owner told us Owen had too much potential to stay at his girl's focused gym. He actually called around and set up a time for Owen to be evaluated. We went but then sort of hemmed and hawed at signing him up. They wanted him on TEAM. This was a big, expensive, time-consuming commitment. I was just unsure. After a couple of months of him living on the trampoline, flipping on and off our couch, chairs, etc, we decided he needed it. Well, 7 years later here we are:





In the middle of the season last year, Owen hurt his shoulder on rings. After 8 months his coach decided maybe we should go have it checked out. An MRI and 1,000 hours of PT later, we discovered that he has a partially torn rotator cuff. I have been fortunate enough that my kids have been healthy. Orthopedist appointments and physical therapy appointments several times a week created havoc on our schedule as well as our checkbook. We were so uncertain what to do. The fact of the matter is Owen is a gymnast. It is part of his make-up, it is part of his identity.

He wasn't ready to give it up. I wasn't ready for him to give it up. I didn't feel as though God was ready for him to give it up. He wasn't done. So, we had him lay out of the first meet. Saturday(Jan 14) is the second meet. We are going. I am extremely nervous about it - not just for his shoulder. I am nervous because of fear. Fear of doing the wrong thing (about letting him compete), fear of him not doing well and being disappointed in himself, just fear of unsettledness. In all that fear I hear a small voice saying "Let Go and Let God". I know it, my brain knows it but my heart, my pride, my love for Owen tries to scream over that quiet voice. So, if you think of us bright and early this Saturday morning - just lift us up because I have a feeling I'm going to need it!

Second time is the charm? NOT

I have probably posted a million things about expectations and control. Admittedly, I have issues with both. I like to know what to expect. Unfortunately, I am not a good listener so even if someone explains to me what to expect, I am still a little over the top. Okay, sometimes a lot over the top. But I have learned from experience that just because someone had one experience, doesn't mean it is going to go that way for me. I think most of us would admit that, should we be honest with ourselves. For example, take childbirth. You can line 50 women up and you would have 50 different stories. Even within my four, each has a different story - yet, after the first I knew what to expect. Adoption follows the same line. We know lots of people that have adopted, probably more than the average because I just sort of gravitate to it. Yet, every adoption story is different. Due to circumstances beyond our control, most of our original paperwork are reaching their expiration dates. Some, like physicals, we just have to keep redoing, redoing, redoing. But others, like fingerprints, homestudy, etc, are a little more involved in updating. In addition to all the updates, our oldest child is technically no longer a child and we have to refile our information with another adult in our household. We started out by (re)going to the courthouse for background checks. The first time we got all our stuff together - took the whole family - afterwards we went out to lunch, made a day of it. This time, we squeezed it in "on the way" to someplace else. 1st - Lady at court "Do you want me to file/send that for you?" Me (thinking to myself - you might not do something correctly and then there will be a delay) "no, thank you" 2nd time - lady asked the same question - I still said no but I had to think about it long and hard! The next place was to Homeland Security - 1st time we were so nervous and excited - all the way there we talked about names, room possibilities, etc. 2nd - again, on our way to someplace else. We literally had to take 4 cars! No romanticising for us! The last thing we had to do/update before Emily goes back to school was our homestudy update. The first time I nearly gave myself an ulcer. I am sure I repainted something. We made her lunch, the kids were lined up "Sound of Music" style, not even going to talk about how clean my house was - I am pretty sure even my attic was straight and well labeled. 2nd time - in my defense, it was the week after Christmas. Let's just say, I wasn't nearly as prepared. I don't even think we offered the poor woman anything to drink. The social worker asked me what we thought about the wait. I told her honestly that I try not to think about it. Some people give the number a special ring, some make it come only to a certain phone, I would probably think it was a telemarketer when they finally call us. All of this brings me back to my second issue of control. I cannot control any of it. I cannot control the how, the where, the when. I just hope and pray I don't have to let you know how I respond the 3rd time around! First time was passionate, second time was indifference, any wagers on the emotion of the third? :)

50 Random Things

I copied this idea from a friend of mine. It is very hard to come up with 50 random facts! Enjoy, don't judge. :)

1. I was born in Rocky Mount, NC. I weighed 9 lbs 14 oz.
2. I am the first-born child in my family.
3. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was 10. However, I didn't
consistently live like I meant it until I was 22.
3. When I was young, I wanted to be a boy.
4. As a teen, I didn't want to be a wife or a mother.
5. I thought I would eventually join the Peace Corps and adopt lots of kids.
6. Without Christ, I would be a democratic, libral, woman's advocate.
7. My first job was working the drive thru window at Taco Bell, I was 15.
8. I took dance - tap, jazz and ballet - from the time I was four until I was a
junior in college.
9. I don't like being told what to do.
10. I love chocolate.
11. I like to excersice but don't as much as I should.
12. I went to college to be a French major.
13. I met Ryan (my husband) the day after my 18th birthday. His friend was trying to
pick me up - I wasn't interested.
14. I would rather go to the beach than the mountains.
15. I love heights! Owen (my oldest son) and I plan to skydive for his 18th
birthday.
16. I remember where I was when the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded. I was in the
8th grade. We were watching it at school. One of our Science teachers was
selected to be 3rd runner up to go up in space on the Challenger.
17. When Ryan called to ask me out for the first time, I didn't know who he was.
(He had a nickname but he identified himself with his real name.)
18. I hate horror movies and green peas.
19. Fall is my favorite season.
20. Ryan proposed in the mall parking lot after he bought my ring - he couldn't wait
any longer!
21. Snickers is my favorite candy bar.
22. I detest coffee - even the smell.
23. I played soccer in high school.
24. Emily (my oldest daughter) was 15 months old when I graduated college.
25. I was named after both my grandmothers.
26. I am my father's only child.
27. I got married in my mother's wedding gown.
28. I drink one can of Dr. Pepper everyday. It's my vice.
29. I am over the top afraid of dentists. Crazy, I know.
30. As a teacher, I was crazy opposed to homeschooling!
31. I tried out for cheerleading (and made the team) in the 6th grade. However,
before school started, we moved to a different district. I never tried out
again.
32. When I was little, I wanted to be a marine biologist.
33. My favorite color is orange.
34. When I was young, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. I love them dearly.
35. I love to learn but didn't like school.
36. I was on the Dean's List every semester in college after finally declaring a
major. I was on academic probation every semester before.
37. I love to file and organize things.
38. I like to move the furniture around in my house.
39. I have aunts, uncles and cousins very close to my age. They were great
playmates when I was young.
40. I turned down an invitation to interview for a teaching scholarship because I
was pretty sure I didn't want to become a teacher.
41. My first full-time paid job was teaching Kindergarten. The school was in my
backyard; I could walk to work.
42. Clutter gets on my nerves.
43. My husband is my best friend.
44. I like to do crafty projects but I am often frustrated/discouraged with how
they turn out.
45. My degree is in elementary education with a minor in psychology and dance.
46. I designed and live in my dream house.
47. I love my kids and being their mom is one of my greatest accomplishments.
48. There is no where in the world I would not like to go for a visit.
49. The thought of hungry orphans all over the world keeps me up at night.
50. Thankfully, my life turned out nothing like I expected. I am so thankful that
God gives us what we need, not always what we want. I am extremely blessed.