The ending of an era

Tonight I made the final decision to end our involvement in our beloved co-op. We are finishing out the year, of course, but will not be returning next year. While part of me is relieved, part of me is incredibly sad. Six years ago, another mom and myself hatched a plan at our annual homeschool conference. We decided our upcoming high schoolers needed a bit more - more social interaction, more peer interaction, more accountability. As it turned out, several other people shared our conviction. For four years, we came together every Friday to learn geography, history, Bible and Literature. It was hard but it was fabulous. It met a great need for all four of my children. It was our circle, it was our constant. Then came graduation. Along with losing our oldest group - many cornerstone families moved away (or were in the process of moving away). Things shifted, my second born became my oldest student, a student very different from my first student. For the first time in six years, the benefit doesn't outweigh cost - not for my remaining three children. And it makes me incredibly sad. After the meeting tonight, I decided to do something "fun" tomorrow. This week is our half spring break. We took half a few weeks ago when Emily was home and we are taking the other half this week. I have just realized that school is not nearly as fun for my younger two as it was for my older two. Not that they would tell you it was fun, per se, but I was forever coming up with something to throw a change into the mix. I haven't done that in I cannot remember when. Somewhere along the way, just keeping up got hard. My once spotless house got filled with junk, clutter. I became a slave to my schedule, my calendar. I got tired. On top of that, I followed the testing schedule I have kept for the past several years and I have tests coming out my ears this week. While I am grateful to have the appointments and the extra income, I am overwhelmed and it is like trying to "schedule fun". The two words just don't go together. However, this evening, I was determined. As soon as my tests were over tomorrow, we were going to do something fabulous. I had a few thoughts running through my mind. I looked around at a few Pinterest ides, I looked up Family fun. Then, I remembered my two tests, then I remembered someone has guitar, then a remembered someone has drama, then I remember I was supposed to go pick up a pair of pants in Smithfield. Then, I just gave up. Fun is overrated.