Questions?

I don't know why I bother keeping a blog. I don't really like it. I love, love reading blogs. I just don't enjoy writing them. I don't know why, it seems too personal. Yet, three times in the past few months, I went to delete it but couldn't. I guess I don't really know my purpose. It is not a diary of everyday events. It is not share my thoughts/ideas with the world. Maybe I just thought it would be cool and gave into peer pressure. Several people have asked if I have an adoption blog. No, I don't. Several people have asked me recently if I have a "my journey through homeschooling" blog. Umm, NO. So, I just have a random, hodge podge of a blog; nothing personal, no deep thoughts, no adoption news and/or timelines, no homeschooling journey. Actually, it sort of fits my hodge podge of a life!


I have decided recently that having four kids is hard. I mean hard, hard. I suppose if I was a more laid back sort of mom, it wouldn't be as hard. Here is the thing, for every child we have a different stage and we also have to deal with how that stage affects everyone else and how they are going to respond. For example, Emily has graduated and is about to go off to college. I have several stages going on here: Emily - her stage is preparing to leave home 2)How everyone else responds & reacts to her leaving home. I am always afraid that I am not giving someone something they need. The more clingy they get, the more suffocated I feel. Alexa is in a needy, needy stage. Yesterday, we were in Sam's club and I think she touched me, rubbed me, patted me at least 50 times. I know this because every time she did, she shocked me. Literally. Alexa's touch limit is 5,000, mine is 2. Now, I came home exhausted and ready to be alone. Yet, the minute I sit down, two more are sitting nearly on my head. I am not naive. I know that I am blessed beyond measure. I also know, firsthand, that these stages are not going to last forever. Pouring yourself out day after day, is hard. Yet, I know that is what I am called to do. I am reminded time & time again of the first women's bible study I went to as a stay-at-home mom. The first day she had us make aprons so that we could remember whom it was we truly served. That I serve Him by serving my family. I often have trouble turning my brain off when it is time to go to sleep. I read somewhere that if you read one verse and meditate on that while trying to sleep, it would help keep my brain more focused. I loaded this nifty tool on my "smart" phone to help me. Last night, my verse was Matthew 20: 26 - 27: "But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave." Coincidence? I think not.