Merry Christmas

Anybody who knows me knows that I can be bossy, controlling and, at times, an over-achiever. Adoption doesn't care that I am any of those things. We are coming up on our one year anniversary marking the beginning of our whole adoption process. I have 4 children and I didn't have to wait or want any of them for one full year before they arrived - until now. The crazy thing is, I have read all of the statistics that say there are 147 million orphans in the world. I would really like to make it 147 million minus one! I am to the point to where I physically ache for him/her. They haunt my dreams and occupy many of my thoughts and prayers. We have all our stockings "hung with care" - all 7 of them.

I heard this song earlier this evening and thought it beautifully written. You can tell by the lyrics that it was written from a personal point of view. Enjoy.



There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow

But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here

It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas

Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above

It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, and I'll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas

Big Hearts

I am going to take a minute and brag on my children. It constantly amazes me at how great they are. Now, let's face facts, they are sinful children raised by sinful parents, I get that. However, I love that they love to give. Once they invest in a person, they are loyal, they are caring, they are giving, they are prayerful. I have seen it time and time again. Way back before Alexa was born, we had a baby come and stay a long weekend with us. Owen prayed for that baby for years! My sister came to live with us a while, the kids loved having her here - even if it was due to tough circumstances. Henry came to live with us, even though it was very, very hard, my kids love him. I knew this but didn't really realize how much until we got to talk to him. He called on Thanksgiving and each child got to talk to him. All of them were excited and loved catching up with him. I watched my kids take in a boy for the weekend and again, he has been in every prayer we've prayed. Several times one of the kids have said they missed him. One tonight questioned if I thought he would really call us if he needed us. I am amazed at how willing they are to love and to help and to care. Genuinely. I love that they spend as much time looking through and circling items in the World Vision catalog just as much as they do the Target wish book. I love that they would love to each have a child to sponsor. I love that they care for others. I love that they pray for our baby and wish that tomorrow we could go get him/her and bring them here. I was telling all of this to a friend over the weekend and she gave me this crazy look and said "I don't really see why you should be all that suprised. I would be surprised if they acted any differently." Yet, I am still surprised and grateful. I am grateful for their hearts. I am grateful to be their mother. I am grateful for God's provision and protection. It is a character trait that I pray each of them keep as they continue to grow into adulthood and beyond.

Happy Thanksgiving

So, I have arrived. This is my first Thanksgiving,ever, to have to get up at the crack of dawn to put a turkey in the oven. I would like to say it was a beautiful experience, one that I will fight for in years to come. However, that was not exactly the case. Raw meat is not something my eyes, nose and hands can handle very well. I can definitely see why handling it makes some turn to a vegetarian life style. Anyway, my dear knight (who was already up in order to go in search of my After-Thanksgiving sales ads) so lovingly helped me stuff it into the bag and into the oven. With that chore accomplished, I was able to just sit in the quiet and observe the morning. I can see why some are such advocates of the early morning stillness. It was beautifully breath-taking as the sun was just peeking above the trees. I was reminded of an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. Thankful that I have parents who have always loved and supported me, thankful that I have never experienced true hunger, thankful that I have a Savior that loves me despite my many flaws and failures, thankful that I have a wonderful husband, thankful that I have beautiful, healthy, intelligent children who are growing in the Lord, thankful that I have the privilege to homeschool those children, thankful for the opportunities we have in America, thankful for my beautiful home and the comfort and safety it provides. Just so thankful that if feels as though my heart could burst. Yet, at the same time there is such a longing and burden. A longing for the sweet, young man that sat at my dinner table last night and got choked up that it was his first family meal in 4 months, a longing at the realization that if he were to die tonight - he would be forever separated from Christ, a longing for my baby on another continent - what are he/she doing today; are they born, is there anyone there hugging and kissing them and singing quiet lullabies, feeding them, loving them. A longing for all the other children that may never know what it like to have that forever family. It is crazy how in one moment there can be such a rush of thankfulness and fullness and then such a strong current of burdens and sadness. At the same time as having these whirlwind of thoughts, my quiet morning was interrupted by my knight screaming at the dog for pooping on the floor. I am silently screaming and waving my arms begging him to not wake the kids. Then, I realize it is because we live in a fallen world that we have such a span of emotions. We are blessed and comfortable but we are called to be burdened, the things we are burdened over are the things we are called to strive to change. We are called to be set apart. Sometimes, that being set apart, sets us up for ridicule and isolation, sometimes it makes people think we are crazy, and sometimes that being set apart gives us that quiet, gentle prodding of a whisper of the 'well done' I so long to hear. Happy Thanksgiving!

What were they thinking?

Last Friday night everybody had a crazy schedule. Emily was at AnchorSoul, Alexa had a sleepover birthday party, Owen had a Halloween party at the gym. It was just Ryan, Ian and myself. Sort of at the last minute we decided to let Ian invite a friend and we would go out in Raleigh while we waited for Owen. Owen needed to be picked up at 10:00. We decided we would like to go bowling. Bowling is an activity we love to do together as a family but due to budget constraints and the rise of bowling costs, we haven't gone as much in the past couple of years. Anyway, we go to the bowling alley and we all play the first game. The second game I decided to sit out in case we didn't get done in time so that I could go pick up Owen. As I was sitting there, I noticed the family in the lanes beside us. You could tell they were "official" bowlers. There was a mom on one lane, then a dad (in his airbrushed 'I love bowling' t-shirt on one lane and then, what I assume to be their teen aged son in the next lane. The thing I noticed right off was that both the dad and son had their ipod earbuds in. I thought that seemed sort of odd that you would go bowling as a family with earphones. Then, I noticed the shrill, high-pitch nastiness coming out of the mother's mouth. She was screaming at them (the son in particular) over how they were doing things. I looked up at the score board expecting to see her score WAY above the others. However, that was not the case. I thought, that woman is missing the point. She is missing that young man's heart. I am not sure if I felt worse for the young man or the mother. It did cause me to stop and wonder about how many times my kids wished they could just put on their earphones and tune me out. Now, I don't scream obscenities at them - ever. But how often I am just barking words at them rather than tending to and reaching their hearts. We all want the best for our kids and want them to be/do their best. However, as my kids get older and older, I would pick being the best in character, integrity and honesty EVERY time over anything else.

"She Ain't Right"

I know it has been a while. I have been in a terrible funk. It seems as though so many things are changing in my world, yet so much is still the same. I had sort of giving up on blogging because I had decided that "if I couldn't do it right I just wasn't going to do it." That has sort of become my mantra over the past couple of weeks. At the same time of being so frustrated with myself - I am overwhelmed with the blessings I have been given. In all of those blessings, Ryan is one of my greatest. He is forgetful, he procrastinates, he loves football (a little too much) but hands-down he is the best, most hard-working, caring, husband and father. I couldn't have asked for a better role model for my kids.

A few weeks ago, I heard a song by the same person in the Dollar General. I asked the cashier (who was singing along at the top of her lungs) the name of the artist. We discovered this song - it has become Ryan's mantra to me. I think maybe I should be insulted, but I am not, It fits. And as I am often heard saying: "well if the shoe fits"

I am not always glad to be "not right" but I am eternally grateful for being "just right for him".




Lyrics:
She got her daddy's tongue and temper (not really - its my mothers)
Sometimes her mouth could use a filter (not for dirty words - just sometimes unkind words)
God shook his head the day he built her
Oh, but I bet he smiled.
She loves and lives her life unruly
Tears up that dirt road up in a dualy
Dangerous, absolutely. (Not really dangerous - just always have a plan)
And in a little while...
She'll be roundin' that corner on three wheels (not really - they just say I drive everything like a go-cart)Ain't slowin down, yellin "Come on, jump in"
Always up to somethin, crazy got nothin' on her

Chorus:
She ain't right, she ain't right
She ain't right, but she's just right for me


She says she wants to meet my momma
I said, I don't think you oughta
Be like mixin' oil and water
But by midnight she had
momma on the coffee table dancin'
Comin' unwound
Good God I swear, can't take her anywhere
What's the girl gonna do next

Chorus:
She ain't right, she ain't right
She ain't right, but she's just right for me

Every once in a while she'll give me that smile and say,
I just don't see somebody like you lovin' somebody like me
She ain't right, naw she ain't right
She ain't right

She ain't right, she ain't right
She's just right, she's just right,
She's just right for me
Mhhmmm she's just right, she's just right.
She ain't right, she's just right for me.

Once is all it takes

I have lived in my house for four years. I have used my garage door nearly everyday for each of those four years - until recently. Back in the spring, we were headed out and a black snake was coming through the crack in the door. A few weeks after that, a mouse ran behind some tables when I opened the door. Then, we had a lizard that came to live in the same spot and would dash away when the door was opened. I told Ryan that I had had it and I was never using that door again. He dutififully put steel wool in the crack and all was well. However, this past week, the steel wool fell out. I have found myself fearful of the door again. A couple of nights ago, we came in and the light was off (it normally cuts on when you come in) and I wouldn't reach my hand to the switch because I was afraid of some varmin that would be there waiting to bite me. Here is the point of this story - it bothers me that out of the approxiamate 1,460 days I have lived in this house - because of 4 "mishaps" I don't want to use the door. What about the 1,456 days when NOTHING happened? Why is it true in our lives that the bad WAY outweighs the good? I took it for granted that I could walk out the door free of anything "getting" me until the day that reality caused me to doubt. It made me start to think of my children and the people around me - how we could say 1,456 nice things and 4 negative but the negative would be what we would always remember. I want to be an encourager, I want people around me to know that it is my intention to build up - not tear down. I don't want people stepping around me in fear like I now have to do in my garage. I'm working on it, I'm working on it! :)

Nothing to Fear but Fear itself

I am sorry to say but I freak out nearly every year this time of year. I am the worst type of homeschooling mother - a homeschooling mother with a public school mentality. I have tried very hard to overcome it - some years I do okay others I fail miserably. I have spent this week working on Emily's high school transcript. I have long confessed to being a perfectionist overachiever. I have NEVER hit a brick wall quite like this transcript thing. I called a dear friend, begging for help. This friend has three grown, collegially successful children. You see, when she was where I am, I had a 5/6th grader. Transcripts were NO WHERE on my radar. In fact, until Emily reached the 8th grade - my "high school plan" had consisted of praying for the rapture. My friend so sweetly kept reassuring me that I could do this. I have a list of all the courses she has taken, the grade she was given, we have a school name, we have done everything we needed to do, why was this so difficult? It all boils down to this : FEAR. I am afraid. I am afraid that I would have done something (or not done something) that would keep her from x,y,z (we aren't even really sure what that is). I have been rereading Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. It is my fallback study before school starting during my struggle years. (I have read it 3-4 times). I always learn something different - because my situation and my struggles are different. Yesterday, I was on the chapter about guilt (fitting, huh?) This is what she said "If homeschooling is indeed God's will for our lives (Ryan and I firmly believe that for us - it is), then it is good, acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:1-2) Homeschooling should be a blessing to us, not an unbearable burden(or the cause of severe, middle of the night anxiety attacks). If it is such a burden, then perhaps we have required things of ourselves that the Lord never asked us to do. Perhaps the standards we are trying to follow are not God's standards, but man's. Perhaps we are living by formula than by faith." Here is what I know: 1) Our homeschooling was not a mistake - although, I don't feel it is the right choice for everyone - it is the right choice for us - good, bad, and/or ugly 2) Nothing I could do (or not do) could stop the plan GOD has for Emily's life. - I am just not that important. 3) "Success" (and I am VERY guilty of this) is often measured in very worldly terms - especially during the high school years. I would like to say that tonight I will not go to bed with a rice sock over my shoulders and a pounding over my right eye, but that would most likely be a lie. All I know is I can keep reminding myself that God did not create me to be in bondage to fear. We have raised Emily to be an intelligent, God-fearing, light-shining disciple of Christ - no matter where or how she decides to shine it, "we" will be a success.

One more thing

Several, several years ago Ryan and I went to a "parenting teens" conference. I think Emily was about 11. (Always trying to be one step ahead.) Anyway, at that conference - it was one of the Tripp brothers - I always get them confused. He said something that has stuck with me all of this time that I THOUGHT would be easy to do. He said "start laying the groundwork for adulthood/independent living WAY before they needed it. You want to be able to see them happily out the door feeling confident and sure of themselves (as well as you yourself as a parent). You do not want to be chasing them as they walk out the door screaming 'one more thing..'" At the time I made a mental note, I agreed with his philosophy and have tried very hard to keep it in mind as we have grown into the teenage years. However, I have decided I have done a very poor job of it and have come the the conclusion that it is my personality. We had a test run this summer in that Emily was in and out for most of the summer but then was leaving mid July and going to be gone until the first week of August - three weeks. She was going to World View Academy in Lynchburg, VA from Sunday - Friday and then on a missions trip to Del Rio, Texas from Friday - Saturday and then the beach from Sunday to Sunday. Truthfully, I have been a little "self" absorbed lately in home projects. I did a major redo in the boys room. That left her to pretty much get herself ready. She made her list(s) of what she needed where and when and for what. I took her shopping on Friday to get all of her "stuff". She has gone to Del Rio for several summers now. Every year, I have gotten their "school" pictures done (for the year they just finished - not the one coming) before she goes. You see, I have these awesome "grade" picture frames for each one of them and I prefer a polished picture rather than a snapshot. Anyway, Friday night, I send myself into pure panic mode that I have not done this yet. I almost (for a fraction of a second) thought about trying to fit it in for Saturday. I know I can do it when she gets back but I will already be knee deep in preparing for this school year. Last year will have been finished, packed up, recorded for historical purposes only. AND she will be having senior portraits made soon which will be in the fall - only a few weeks different from her 11th grade picture. As I was having my "internal hissy fit" the words of the Tripp brother came back to me. I would rather her leave knowing I was content to let her go, knowing we were proud of her and the choices she has/will make for her life, knowing that we would be here waiting for her when she got back. Not having her think of me worried about my "unfinished" schedule, not having me shout after her with "one more thing". I have decided that should any of my children grow up to homeschool, I am going to make it my "grandmotherly" duty to take them to have their school pictures made during the fall of the school year they currently in. Then, I will have lovely pictures to go in my awesome "grade" picture frames!

Vacation Lodge

I'll be honest - I am not a nature girl. I don't like bugs, spiders, snakes or extreme heat. Ryan and I camped a bit in our younger days (much younger - like with no kids). So, as we have gotten older, looking back at those camping trips are remembered as good times and full of nostalgia. We (just he and I) took a mini-camping trip last May and it was lovely. However, the tent we had was small - there was no way all 6 of us could really camp in that tent. We have several sets of friends that tent camp often and had invited us to go. It is relatively cheap for a family our size and it is good family fun. I am always looking for ways to "unplug" my boys from their beloved electronics. So, we bought Ryan the "Vacation Lodge" for Father's Day and gave him a camping trip over the Fourth of July holiday as his birthday present. He was surprised but glad to go. For extra fun, we invited some friends to come along. Looking back, the trip would not had been nearly as pleasant had they not been able to make it - we (I) had no idea what I was doing! We may have starved. Ryan, of course, was a champion at setting up the tent, cooking over an open fire, being immune to the heat and bugs. I have been trying to reflect on the differences between camping in the early 90's vs. now. I have come up with a few differences: 1) We lived in Boone. Rarely is it 102 in Boone. 2) We didn't really go to campsites - we just picked spots along the Blue Ridge Parkway. There were no other people there (other than the people we invited).3) We didn't really "cook" - we stopped by and brought fast food there or just snacked. 4) We traveled light - there wasn't a lot to pack, unpack, store, etc. Having made this list made me feel much better. I am not wimpy - just seasoned! Overall, we still had a great time and we are definitely going to try it again - maybe a little longer this time and in cooler weather! Besides, we have to camp again - I left my wedding ring in one of the pockets that got folded up inside the tent - only me....

Letting Go

Generally speaking, Letting go is hard. We decided it was time to redo the boys' room - seeing that we have NEVER bought either boy a single piece of furniture - it was time. We redid the girls' room about two years ago - new furniture, new bedding, fresh paint, etc. Well, with the redoing and such there is also some reorganization called for. For anyone that knows my boys, they are as different as night and day. Owen loved trains, action figures, stuffed animals and "gadgets" - stuff mainly out of happy meals. Give the boy a piece of string a couple of items mentioned above and you wouldn't see him for hours. Ian, on the other hand, loves to build, to create things from nothing and play whatever Alexa wants to play. So, cleaning out the closest was HARD! There were many things that I know Owen could care less about playing with and Ian is not interested in, but I just couldn't let them go. I can still see Owen playing and playing with these beloved items. He had this gun - "Old Betsy" that he LOVED. You can tell it was loved - there is very little paint left on it and has a slight crack around the middle. It is one of those old wooden Daniel Boone type guns. I kept moving it around and around the room. I just couldn't part with it! (You notice the "I" part there.) The rest of my family thinks I am crazy. They just shake their heads and give me a little sympathetic smile. I really do want my children to grow up and lead productive, Christ-honoring adult lives away from home. And when they do, so what if I still have "Old Betsy" stored away in my mind, in my heart, AND in my attic? Did I mention that I have a very LARGE attic?

Blogging

I had been doing a fairly decent job of making posts and then - wham! summer hit. We have not had a summer this crazy in a LONG time - maybe never. There have been / will be only a few weeks that we are all under the same roof. I took a "Creating a classroom Blog" class as one of my continuing education classes a couple of months ago with the intent of "spicing" up my blog. I guess I just learned for the test because I can't remember any of the changes I was going to make or how! I was also procrastinating because I just didn't really feel like I had anything to say. I had been reading blogs that were purposeful, newsworthy, making a difference and it made my words seem insignificant. Then I did realize that I did have some things I wanted to say - I just needed to process them first. So, I will begin this first post back with just our general goings on.
Ryan and Owen went two weeks ago to Big Creek - a missions trip to KY with our middle school group. They both worked construction. Owen came back with the decision to be nicer to Ian. Ryan came back with the decision to watch less TV. They had a great time and it was a very good bonding experience for them. That same week was Sports Camp at TKD. Emily taught and Alexa went to the evening camp and Ian went to the morning camp. By the end of the week, they had had a great time but were very tired.
Last week we had VBS at our church. I taught 5 year olds, Owen was my youth helper, Emily was a youth helper for the 4 year olds, Ryan taught the 5th graders, Alexa and Ian were helpers. It was the first time in about 5-6 years that we were all involved. It was a great week.
Thursday is our first annual "down and dirty" co-op meeting. I am looking forward to seeing all of the ladies again and making some decisions for this school year. Co-op has been a tremendous blessing to my children and their education. It is definitely worth the effort.
Emily is going to Worldview Academy in VA for a week in July. She is leaving there (we have to pick her up a day early) and is going straight to Del Rio for a TKD mission's trip. She has gone with Ryan to TX for the past two years, this will be the first time for her to go alone.
We pick her up from the airport at 11:00pm on Sat. and Sunday begins our family vacation. Two weeks later - we are back to school! I sure hope to work some planning time in there somewhere and maybe a little blogging...

Road rage

In the past four days, I have traveled 1,314.7 miles. Okay, not really traveled, DRIVEN! On my 10 hours there and my 8 1/2 hours back, I was thinking of this post. Owen is not the best conversationalist, so he was content to play his DS, watch movies, text his friends.
Here are some things I learned (not in any particular order - just the chaotic randomness of my brain):
* I am a Garmin girl, not a TomTom.
* It drives me crazy when people slam on brakes when they see a policeman and refuse pass him - even if he is going 25 miles an hour in a 65 zone!
* I have always wondered how long it would take to listen through all of the songs on my ipod. It takes 10 hours to get to the "H" songs.
* I also learned that the above mentioned ipod will not make the 10 hour to and the 9 hour home with out charging the battery.
* Two Dr. Peppers and a McDonald's tea will keep you awake while you drive there but it will also keep up all night once you get there.
* Because I am such an intelligent person, if that is what happens on the way there, that is what is going to happen on the way back. Owen says to me "you have a tough time learning lessons, don't you." Well, that is a post for another time.
* The button you push to resume the cruise control in my old van is how you turn the cruise control off in my "new" van (I've owned it 2 years). If I turned it off once, I turned it off 50 times!
* If I was successful enough to not turn it off, more often than not, I turned on the windshield wiper.
* Even though I was using the cruise control, I kept getting a cramp in my right knee. I guess I need to add that to my workout regimen.
* Big trucks and torrential rain make it very difficult to read the detour signs. Hence the 10 hours.
* I blame these troubles on three people: my parents because they used to drive me around in the car during my colic fits (therefore, in my opinion, causing me to be able to easily get "in the zone") and my husband for being such an excellent driver and driving most of wherever we go. I am all about taking my turn, and I normally do, but the whole way, that's just mean.
However, all in all, I have to say we had a wonderful time. One day soon, I am going to take the time to brag on the wonderful, talented, caring, sensitive young man I am having the privilege of raising. I love getting the opportunity to see the pearl he is forming. I just wanted the opportunity to complain first!

Getting the job done

Let me be the first to say "June Cleaver I am not." Although, truth be told, I would love to be. I could see the shock on Ryan's face now as he comes through the door promptly at 5:30 pm to me with my pearls, my Christian Louboutin heels, apron and full course meal set and hot on the table. About the only true part of that entire scenario is that I own pearls. In the event that Ryan were actually home by 5:30, ever, and giving the fact that most nights I am not even home when he arrives, hence prohibiting me from having dinner on the table.

Anyway, I am not a very good servant. I detest meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking. Overall, I am not a very good housekeeper and forget about me taking care of the yard. While I don't mind doing any of these singularly, doing them all is a bit overwhelming. I have decided that it is time to do something about it. I have not always struggled with this problem. It has only been in the past year or two.

As I was reflecting back on "yesteryear" and trying to determine what went wrong, I was remembering my very first women's Bible Study. It was the fall of 1997 and I had two kids at the time. Emily was going to a local preschool that was the envy of the town and I kept a little girl in our home to pay for the preschool. So every Tuesday I would load Emily, Savannah, and Owen into our 2 door car, drop Emily off at Preschool and go to Bible study. As I said, this was my first real case of "hanging with the girls". To be honest, I was not sure how I felt about it. I knew that staying home with Owen was the right thing to do (daycare didn't agree with his temperament)for Owen. However, I was not totally convinced it was the right thing for ME! The leader of the Bible study was an older woman (our senior pastor's mother). It was a study where anyone could join at anytime. There was no real stopping and starting point. On your very first day, you went into a separate room to make an apron. These were the Wal-mart type canvas/jean apron and there were all kinds of things to decorate them. After decorating our apron we were invited to lunch after the Bible study with the leader. She explained to us that as the nurture/care taker of our homes, she wanted us to remember that we were servants. However, she felt that young women often fell into the trap of forgetting whom we served. She felt that in the thankless job of taking care of our husbands and children that we would lose sight of it was really Christ that we serve. We strive to serve Him by serving other, especially those in our care. She encouraged us to "put on our apron" just as we "put on the full armor of God". To allow that apron to be part of our armor. I can't tell you what a difference that made to me. It was nothing like having a terrible day and you asking yourself "why am I doing this again?" but to then go and physically put that apron on and "transforming your mind". When Emily and Owen were little, they were used to seeing me in that apron. However, as time passed, I didn't put on the apron as much. In fact, I cannot even find it. So, this weekend, I went to get me a new apron. I couldn't find one I liked (who knew aprons were very hard to find) so I got one from Joanne's that you piece and sew together. I have cut out the pieces but have not sewn it all together. I am excited about my quest to be a better "homemaker". Watch out, June Cleaver, there is a new girl in town!

PS - I tried to post a picture of what my new, cute apron will look like but my picture thing is not cooperating. :(

The Beauty of Sharing

Most of my life growing up, I had my own room. I had my own "stuff". My sibling closest to me was five years younger and male. I have a younger sister but she is 10 years younger so she never threatened my "stuff" either. Needless to say that going off to college was an adjustment. Luckily, my roomate shared similar philosophies about sharing. We co-existed and because it was what we both wanted, it worked very well for us. However, even though Ryan had always had his own room as well - (a boy sandwiched in between two sisters)he had no problem "sharing". What was mine was his (and vice versa) only I still prefered my "stuff" to be left alone. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind someone using my stuff but I want it returned to the same place you took it from and in the exact same condition. Ryan has the uncanny ability to make himself at home anywhere, a trait that at times I am jealous of. Anyway, when we were buying houses years ago, I "needed" a three bedroom house. I had two kids - a girl and a boy - I needed three rooms. We got the three rooms. I rememember someone asking if we were going to have more kids - I replied, "No - I would have to get a bigger house." Honestly, it never really occured to me to put more than one kid in a room - especially because they were boy / girl. The lady looked at me and said "that is the most selfish thing I have ever heard." Really? I was dumbfounded. Needless to say, we did decide to have more kids. When Alexa was born we put her in Owen's room. It was a small starter home and the bedrooms were small. Emily had a full bed in her room. Owen took it upon himself to move in with Emily. We didn't really plan on him moving in there but Alexa would make noises and he would wake up scared and go to Emily's bed. So, for a while, Owen didn't have a bed at all. Then a friend of ours was getting rid of their bunk beds and asked did we want them. Sure, everyone at least "needs" their own bed. So we got the bunk beds and Emily and Owen were both distraught. Emily because her bed was in the attic and Owen because he couldn't reach Emily. The first night, Owen came out in hysterics that we were the meanest parents alive. I calmly told him that in some families do kids not only sleep in their own beds but also their own rooms - in the dark - alone. He said "that is the meanest thing I have ever heard." When we went to check on them later that evening, Emily had her arm stuck down the side of the bed and they were sound asleep holding hands.
When we began to design/build this house those old fears came creeping up. How many bedrooms should there be? The kids actually decided that for now, they would like to stay together in pairs with the option of being alone when they got older. So far, "older" hasn't happened. I most likely live in the largest three bedroom home there ever has been. I love (most of the time) hearing my kids talking and singing, teaching each other Bible verses, making up stories with each other, just talking about life. I don't know how effective this method will be in then not wanting people to touch their "stuff" but I know the bond the four of them share is unbreakable. All of them know the sacrifice of sharing space; of give and take, something I am still trying to learn!

Valentine's Day

Let me start by saying, I am not a huge "Valentine's Day" fan. I mean really, if you have to work to show me "love" on that ONE day, I don't want it. However, the older I get any excuse to go on a date works for me! Typically Valentine's Day comes and goes at our house (because in case you didn't know - it falls during Tax Season). Last month, Ryan and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary (which, yes falls during tax season as well - I married him BEFORE our life revolved around tax season). We had the usual "dinner and a movie". Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind dinner and a movie as a general rule. But on special occasions, I like a little more forethought; I little unpredictableness; I little more pizazz.
On said above anniversary, as Ryan's gift, I gave him a book of all the cards, letters, and poems he had written me over the years (all 19 of them). When we first met, Ryan was quite the poet. I have all sorts of poems; love poems, sad poems, mad poems, forever poems. So, for Valentine's Day he wrote me a poem. All of the kids, (except Alexa, of course) were disgusted by its "mushiness". Here it is, his first "published" work:

"An Ode to Love"
When I think back through the years,
I have to hold back my tears,
As I remember the joy that I felt,
At the first time I saw you, you made my heart melt,
You didn't know it at the time,
That you would very soon be mine,
Even though you didn't know my name,
You let me in just the same,
Now it is many years down the road,
We are together in our humble abode,
I am thankful that we were brought together,
To be in love forever and ever,
Even though the years have past,
Our love I know will surely last,
We have many more years to look forward to,
I am glad I will be spending them with you,
I want to shower you with my love,
As it given to me from God above,
I hope you know how much you mean to me,
You fill my life with so much glee,
Thank you for choosing me to spend the rest of your life,
I love You very much, thanks for being my wife.

Isn't forethought such a wonderful thing?

The trauma of Haircuts

Last week, on very short notice, we needed to go to my brother's church for Teagan's baby dedication. I decided Ian's hair was a bit unruly and I wanted just a trim. His hair has been an item of dissension in our house in that I say (within reason) he should have a say and Ryan says it should be short. From my perspective, Ian has some very big shoes to fill. He has Owen's old toys, some of Owen's old clothes, we affectionately call him OJ (Owen junior). However, he does not share Owen's distaste of grooming. Owen likes his hair in a crew cut year round because of its low maintenance factor. So, based on a few agreements (can't be in his eyes, not below his collar) we have decided to let Ian be the hair guide. So, like I said, we were going to this church where there would be lots of people I hadn't seen in years, and few of them had seen all my children, I wanted his hair to at least looked groomed. I had been keeping his bangs trimmed but the back was getting a little unruly. Ryan decided he needed a haircut as well so the three of us set off. (I didn't trust Ryan to take him alone!) We went to the local "beside the grocery store" type hair place. It was sort of crowded but we put our name on the list and waited. They called Ian first. I was already deciding I was a little unsure about this lady. First of all, she looked at Ian like he had the plague, she looked like her face would crack if she tried to smile and she looked at me like I was speaking another language when I was telling her what we wanted. I wanted to take him out of the chair and run. He was looking at me with "don't you dare leave me eyes." So she starts to cut and cut and cut. She gets finished, Ian literally jumps out of the chair. We are standing over waiting for Ryan to get done and I am examining his hair thinking, "I cannot believe we have to pay for this and I wonder if I am going to be able to fix it or am I going to have to take him someplace else, is he going to have to end up with a short do anyway." The lady can tell I am not pleased. She comes over and messes with his hair again commenting on his "natural curl" making it harder to style. It wasn't harder to style until she cut it CROOKED! This girl (about 19) got in the chair after Ian. She had been waiting in the lobby about 25-30 minutes. She was trying to explain to the lady what she wanted when the lady louder than necessary says "I hear what you are saying but it is not clear what you want me to do." I was undecided as to whether I wanted to tell the girl to run or tell the lady she needed to take a break. Ryan was giving me his "stay out of it, be nice, hurry let's go" look. So, we paid and left. Then I had to come home and do what I could to fix it. I still don't like it nearly a week later. We have finally gotten most of it even but if I had wanted to chop on it myself, I could have saved the $11. Ryan has decided Ian can no longer go to the corner shop, he needs a "stylist". I thought that is what they all claim to be. I have decided that getting your haircut is like playing the lottery. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, big time!

I knew it was coming

Something big happened at our house tonight. Actually, it started last night (after torturing my children the past 3 days watching North and South), we told them that tonight after dinner we would all play a board game. It is very rare that we are all home on a Tuesday night so I promised if they would suffer through the last in a four part series, we would play a game tonight. We all knew the game would be Quelf. This rediculous game that all the kids love. Anyway, we were dividing the teams and Ian decided he didn't want to be anyone's partner but wanted to play alone. We were a little skeptical but decided to go ahead. You see, up until tonight, he had still decided he couldn't read. We have been listening to him read books for several months but if you were to ask him if he could "read" his answer would be "no". Well, tonight that all changed. With a few exceptions, and a few made up words, he faithfully read and acted out his cards. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I wanted to laugh because I have had to fight with him almost daily to have a "reading" lesson all this year. At this point, he just doesn't see the "need". I wanted to cry because that is my baby and babies don't read! Yet, I look at him and I see him growing before my very eyes. Owen was born a boy - all boy - rough, loud, oblivious to the world around him. Ian was born a boy as well, just a more sensitive, soft-spoken, observant boy. Tonight, when he was going to bed I asked him if he would always be my baby even now that he could "read". He gave me this crazy look and said "of course I will but NOW will you believe me that I don't need anymore READING lessons?" He laughed....tonight - However; tomorrow may be a different story!

To Save a Life

Last night I went to see the Movie "To Save a Life". Basically, it was the tell-tale story of a popular boy and an unpopular boy who were friends "once upon a time." When disaster strikes, the popular boy is left with a lot of questions of how he could have lived his life differently and begins to make strives to make a difference in the lives of others. All this week, I have been studying the parable of The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). I have spent each day reading the passage and then picking a person to reflect upon. My first day was on the robbers, second on the priest, third on the Levite then today, I thought I would focus on the Samaritan but something stopped me. After seeing the movie last night, it struck me this morning to question myself to see why I hadn't started with the guy that was robbed and left for dead. I don't know why I didn't, but it bothered me. I went to pull out our commentary to see what ol' Vernon McGee had to say about the traveler. He said that the traveler represented humanity. Humanity that found itself helpless, hopeless, and unable to save itself. Ultimately, the world today is like the man that fell among thieves and needs our help. The world needs Christ. A real, genuine Christ not a lofty, judgemental, harsh religion. If you look further, you see what the Samaritan did, he cleaned his wounds, he carried him on his donkey to the nearest town, paid for his room, found someone to care for him until his return. I am sorry, but that was way more than handing someone a track, telling a person down on their luck they need "Jesus", or inviting someone to church. It was involved, it was time-consuming, it was costly. Our Sunday School lessons for the past 6 weeks has been focusing on the greatest commandment "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind AND, Love your neighbor as yourself." I think we have to stop and ask ourselves a few questions:
1) Who are our "neighbors"?
2) Who am I best represented by in this parable: the traveler,
the robbers, the priest, the Levite or the Samaritian?
3) What/if anything, am I going to do about it?

A New Year

Well, this crazy blog has made my break one of the few resolutions I made this year. I said I wouldn't go longer than a couple of days before posting and here it has been days and days. Sorry. However, I guess if this is the worst thing I do all year, I will be doing okay. Anyway, I am sitting in the parking lot at Owen's gymnastics place on my laptop in the car. If I can park close enough, I don't have to actually go in. Normally, I leave and run errands but his gym has called the dreaded "parent's meeting" to discuss how the meet season is going and the plans for the rest of the year.
January has been very busy so far. Ryan has gone back to tax season, Upward's has begun, meets are in full swing, Alexa's birthday, our anniversary, are just a few things we have been up to. Alexa's birthday was a great success "the best she has had in years" according to her. We let her have 3 other friends over for the night. We had a great time; we went to the movies, made pizza, made bracelets, had cake, opened presents. We gave her a guitar along with guitar lessons. She has had two lessons so far and has loved every minute of it. Her guitar teacher asked who she wanted to play like and of course, she responded "Elvis Presley" she said he sort of looked at her funny so she said "Taylor Swift". She left a little concerned that her guitar teacher may not know who Elvis Presley was. I have assured her that he did - he just wasn't expecting her to say that. In the meantime, she has been working on her lip curl! :)

Back to School

I had said awhile back that I was not going to use this blog as a whining forum. However, I have decided to make today an exception. First of all let me say, I love my life. I love my kids. I would not trade our experience for anyone else's and (most of the time) I love homeschooling. We actually took a break over Christmas. I mean a true, the school room could be full of spiders, break. It was just time. We break over summer but usually still have several projects and math looming over us. We do "mini-projects" or finish books that we had started during the school year. My kids have done "summer school" for most of their lives. This year (2009) has been draining. I cannot exactly put my finger on why - it could be the pressure of homeschooling a junior, it could be the pressure of the outside activities, it could be the pressure of finishing up getting that last one to read well, maybe I have just grown weary or lazy. Anyway, I decided to break over Christmas. I told the kids this and they gave me a "yeah right" look and waited for the famous "well, we are going to break everything but ...". It has been three glorious weeks. We played games, we ate dinner together, we watched movies, I read pleasure books, we got together with family and friends. It was a lovely time. I guess it was too lovely because now I REALLY don't want to start school tomorrow. In all of that fun, I really did nothing - no planning, no plotting, my calendar even still says December and I don't care! I should be in there moving it around, filling out their charts but instead I am blogging my whine. I knew that tomorrow would come and like I told my kids before bed "We just have to put on our big kid panties and deal with it!" And I will - tomorrow morning! I am going to go to bed praying for a better attitude. It will be great once we get going... but I can tell, it is going to be a painful start!

A New Year

I decided for a new year, I wanted a new look for my blog. Last night (or rather this morning) we were thinking back to our favorite things from 2009. I decided I would share some of them.

January - Alexa turned 8 - she had a princess tea party. She was not feeling well - it was a tough day. We went skiing for the very first time with our friends the Carrows and Huffmans. It was a lot of fun - Owen nearly gave me a heart attack on the slopes.

February - Just an ordinary month - Upward was still going on and Owen had tons of gymnastic meets. We endured February.

March - Owen turned 12. He had a couple of friends over to celebrate. We were pressed to get it in around Upward, gymnastics and Ryan's work schedule.

April - Owen made it to Regionals in gymnastics. Owen and I flew to Miami for him to compete. He came in 12th overall. Driving all over Miami in a rental car was an experience I will never forget. Tax season ended. We normally go on a trip but skiing counted as our trip - we just went before tax season started rather than when it ended. We decided we liked it better at the end.

May - Emily went to her first prom. She went with a couple of girl friends and had a great time. We finished our second year of Tapestry of Grace. We went on an impromptu trip to Williamsburg with friends. It was a great time. We hadn't been there for years. We did something different for the homeschool conference this year. I went with a few girl friends and stayed one night. I came home early and Ryan and I went camping. It was a lot of fun and made us feel 20 again.

June - Alexa, Ian and myself participated in VBS while Ryan, Emily and Owen did TaeKwonDo's sports camp. I taught the 5 year olds. Alexa and Ian didn't remember ever participating in VBS. It was a lot of fun and felt good to be back.

July - Alexa went to day camp at New Life Camp for the very first time. She went with two of her good friends. They had a great time. Ian had "Camp Fun Nemitz" at our house with friends. It was a lot of fun as well. However, now he is thinking we need to do that every year instead of him going to camp! Ryan, Emily and Owen went to Texas with Taekwondo on a missions trip. This was Owen's first missions trip. He did very well.

August - We went to Topsail Island for the week. It was a great time of relaxation with family and friends. School started back and there went August.

September - Emily turned 16. We had a big bash and then Emily, Ryan and myself went to New York. It was incredible. I don't think I would want to live there permanately but I don't think I would ever tire of visiting. We went to see Wicked. It was awesome. I never got to read a book in Central Park - that is on the list for next time. Ian turned 7. He had a Scooby Doo party. I am still in shock that he is a legal homeschooler - where did the time go?

October - I became an aunt for the 3rd time. I love it - I try very hard to be a good aunt. AnchorSoul was back at our church. This is one of Emily's all time favorite activities. She and Ryan did Sr. Anchorsoul and Alexa and I did Jr Anchorsoul.

November - came and went in a flash. Owen's meets started back up and Upward practice began again.

December - Ryan and I started December off with a mini-vacation. We went to Pilot Knob and stayed at a bed and breakfast there for two nights. We got a lot of Christmas shopping done which took a lot of pressure off of me. It was wonderful and I hope will become an annual event. My dad and Emily were in charge of the kids. It was nice knowing they were home. We celebrated a wonderful Christmas season with family and friends.

Looking back over our year of highlights we can see how truly blessed we are.